


Longing to Return

by King988



Category: The King: Eternal Monarch, 더 킹：영원의 군주 | The King: Eternal Monarch (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fantasy, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Military, Torture, Violence, War, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:33:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25527493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/King988/pseuds/King988
Summary: Set in late 2017 Corea, a story following Jo Yeong being called back for duty to the Royal Navy Special Forces. A mission that may cause Yeong and his team's life.
Relationships: Jeong Tae Eul/Lee Gon, Jo Yeong/Lee Gon
Comments: 38
Kudos: 160





	1. Character Chart

**Author's Note:**

> Although I have used the same 'new' characters that I introduced in the previous fic, this story is a standalone fic. So to resolve any confusion, I have made a character chart (Yes, I assigned actors to characters I created...lol it helps with my imagination when writing).


	2. Chapter 2

**“You and I will meet again, When we’re least expecting it, One day in some far off place, I will recognize your face, I won’t say goodbye my friend, For you and I will meet again.” -Tom Petty**

* * *

**2017 December 8th**

A fairly normal day in the palace, Gon had just finished a meeting with secretary Mo and about to retire for the day after signing off a few more forms. But however hard Gon was trying to concentrate, his burning curiosity-which tingled in him ever since he met the man this morning-forced him to glance over at Yeong periodically who stood silently next to his grand desk at a reasonable distance. His usual stoic expression and rigid stance would come off as ‘normal’ to others but something about Yeong’s vibe bothered Gon.

With a frustrated sigh, Gon put down the report in his hands and pinched his brows. Yeong offered no response to Gon’s actions, his gaze fixed at the space before him. This only intensified Gon’s curiosity. _What is he thinking about? Is he even thinking?_

“Yeong”, Gon finally announced after an eternity of observation on his friend. But the younger man did not seem to notice. His eyes still looking forward, not eliciting a single reaction to his name being called.

Gon cleared his throat and tried again, now more stern and demanding,“Yeong!”

Gon saw the tiny jolt before Yeong finally turns to meet his gaze, “Yes Pyeha”

“Come sit”, Gon offered, gesturing towards one of the two chairs before his massive desk. Yeong gave him a confused look but made his way towards the chair nevertheless.

Gon studied the captain before him, his eyes show that he is certainly hiding something from Gon. “What’s wrong?”, Gon leaned back against his chair.

That statement caught Yeong off guard as his eyes widened for a fraction of a second and mouth opening slightly, as if he were about to say something but ruled against the idea before a syllable could leave his mouth. Yeong tries to escape Gon’s questioning, ‘looking’ at the various accessories on Gon’s desk.

“It’s either you tell me now, or I find out myself. I’ll know either way.”, Gon pushed

“It’s just…”, Yeong finally spoke, “I’m going to be gone for a while”

Gon tilted his head in confusion, sitting up from his leaning position and rests his arms on the table, interlocking the fingers, “what do you mean?”, Gon’s stare made Yeong feel like it could drill a hole into his skull.

“I received a request for duty from the navy”, Yeong paused and looked at Gon in all seriousness, “I have to go”

“How long”, there were instances where Yeong would be called away for a week or two, but Gon figured this time it would be longer given the young captain’s hesitation.

“Two months. Reporting for duty in two days.”, Yeong sighed, his tone solid as ever.

Gon nodded silently, “two months…”, he muttered under his breath. It’s not that Gon didn’t trust Yeong’s abilities as a lieutenant commander, nor did he have a say in this (he was completely capable of denying the request for Yeong as king but that would make Yeong hate him forever), but a hint of unfathomable unease or fear(?) crawled beneath his skin.

“I have already organised everything with the royal guards team, sub-captain Seok Ho Pil will be acting captain in place of me.”, Yeong informed

Gon didn’t care about the royal guards operations or how it’s going to be managed…He only cared about what’s going to happen to Yeong. Two months? What can they possibly do? What’s the risk level? 

And as if Yeong could hear his thoughts, “Mostly training new recruits for a week or two….”

_That can’t possibly be all, there must be more for it to last two months!_ Gon reasoned internally, “And?”, Gon prodded

Yeong studied Gon’s expression, hesitating a little before ‘letting it out’, “A mission in Afghanistan with Charlie team. I’m sorry, that’s all I can disclose”, Yeong didn’t know how to feel about it, even now. He’s been pondering this news ever since he found out last week. All sorts of complicated emotions and thoughts rushed through him. _Guilt_ … going on special ops missions was also part of Yeong’s job as a member of Charlie team in the royal navy special forces, but it’s been a while since the last one and the sudden request took Yeong by surprise. Usually they’d leave matters to Alpha or Beta team. He didn’t want to leave Gon’s side, it’s a busy season with all the upcoming holiday and events. It’s no doubt that Gon would be out in the public more than usual. He’d be a useless Unbreakable Sword if he can’t even be present when in times of need. Additionally, it’s two months only if everything goes well. There are a plethora of variables you couldn’t predict for special ops missions.

“I can reject if you’re not okay with it”, Yeong offered, panic rising in him. Hoping that Gon would understand that whatever decision or outcome it is, he would return.

Gon just looked at Yeong and forced a small smile, “It doesn’t matter what I think Yeong.”, the monarch stood up from his seat, straightened out his button up shirt and walked over to Yeong’s side placing a hand on the tense shoulder, “It is your career and I will respect your choices, no matter what, you’ll still be my Unbreakable Sword”.

Yeong stood up from his spot, facing his king with worry written all over his face,“But...”, there were so many things that Yeong wanted to protest about but he didn’t know how to compress them into words.

“But what? If you think that I’m somewhat angry…I’m not”, Gon reassured, “I’m just ~~a little~~ concerned about the safety, but hey, it’s the military, safety is out of the picture. And I trust that you’ll do well, no matter where you are or what the mission is.”

Yeong nodded his head understandably, still feeling a tad bit of shame but glad that he’s heard Gon’s opinion. “It’s late, go get some rest.”, Gon made his way to the exit of the study, Yeong slowly following from behind.

“Moreover”, Gon stopped in his tracks suddenly and turned around to face Yeong, “Don’t worry about me. I have Ho Pil and others. Worry about yourself. “

“But Pyeha, it’s my duty to protect you”, Yeong reasoned

“Seriously. Last time you came back from a mission with 17 stitches.”, Gon rebuked, pointing towards Yeong’s left abdomen, where a scar is hidden behind the fabric of his suit. The aftermath of a knife battle.

“That was just a small slash. An accident that shouldn’t have happened”, Yeong dismissed

“And that’s not okay.”, Gon ended the debate

Before Yeong could speak again, Gon turned around and continued his way to the door, waving his hand playfully, “see you tomorrow”

Yeong stood dumbfounded, alone, in the middle of the majestic study, _Is this really the right decision?_

* * *

The next two days passed by fairly quickly, with Gon attending public events to celebrate Christmas that is just around the corner. Gon would make Yeong eat more, and threaten to behead him if he refused. There was even the rare occurrence of them enjoying a beer together the night before Yeong had to leave. It was after duty hours and Gon had managed to convince Yeong to drink with him as he was technically not the captain of the royal guards nor lieutenant commander of the navy until the next day.

“So where will you be going?”, Gon asked as he took another sip from his can. They’re on the patio in Gwangyeongjeon, a seemingly cold December night yet still comfortable.

“Two weeks in the Busan Naval Base to train the new recruits and I’ll head off to Afghanistan“, Yeong replied swiftly, as if he had recited this answer many times

“So…with the Americans?”, Gon muttered

Yeong’s eyes widened in surprise, “How did you know?”

“I’m the king, I can know what I want to know”, Gon answered nonchalantly,”Command seems to like to put Charlie team forward for assist missions. I heard you’ll be working with Delta team again.”

Yeong nodded, “They’re good to work with. Efficient and none of those cocky personalities.”

“Yeong, how come I’ve never heard you speak English”

Yeong choked on his drink, coughing until his eyes were teary. He knew what was coming and prepared himself internally for Gon’s humiliation. Oh God, how he wish to just disappear now.

“Yeong~ Come on!”, Gon teased

Yeong scowled at Gon, “Never in a million years”

“Yah! Did you just scowl at me?! Beheaded!”, Gon objected

Yeong just stared at Gon as Gon did the same. 10 seconds of awkward silence and both men bursted out laughing.

As the laughter died, the atmosphere became strangely heavy again, “Your parents, did you go see them?”

Yeong nodded.

“Both?”

Yeong nodded again, “I have to say my mother was definitely not amused.”

The Jo’s military attachment was a key element leading to the separation of Jo Yeong’s parents. Yeong was 16. His parents often fought for the same reasons, both sides were too stubborn to give up their values. Admiral Jo would be gone for months on end, and Yeong’s mother couldn’t handle living with the fact that her husband may not return one day, or that fact that there is a great possibility that her only son would follow the same path. 

Evidently, Yeong stopped at nothing to enlist so that he could serve and protect the crown like his father and grandfather did. To compensate for that, Yeong would take out time every month to be with his mother. As for his father, he would just make the occasional call. Yeong’s mother gained some comfort knowing that her son would settle in Busan, the palace, and not on some battlefield and at war. However, she could never shake off the unease of the risk Yeong is taking whenever he would readily jump between the king and harms way.Let alone being gone for an unknown amount of time, carrying out special ops missions. Gon could only sympathise her. Because he feels the same. Yeong is not only captain of the royal guards, a soldier, a friend, Gon’s Unbreakable Sword…but also someone’s son.

The two continued their drinks silently, cherishing this moment until they would meet again for the same purpose.

**2017 December 10th**

**0600**

Yeong stood before the huge wooden doors to Gon’s bedchamber. Dressed in his naval uniform. Hat tucked under his left arm. Sucking in a deep breath before letting it out shakily. He knocked solidly three times before entering.

As expected Gon was up already, reading a book in the armchair. 

“Pyeha”, Yeong greeted with a bow

Gon closed the book in his grip and walked over to Yeong, stopping before him and taking a moment to scan Yeong’s outfit, “so you’re going now”

“Yes Pyeha”

Gon walked over and pulled the younger man into a tight embrace, Yeong startled by the sudden ‘invasive’ gesture but letting it slide, “Don’t get hurt.”

Yeong patted Gon’s back reassuringly with his free hand and sighed, “I’ll be back, _hyung_.”

**Busan Naval Base**

**0750**

“Yah Jo Yeong!”… _what’s this familiar voice?_

Yeong looked towards the direction of the voice, questioning who would address him so casually, and of course, walking towards his way is lieutenant commander Yoon Kang-Min and Han Tae-Joo followed by another person he didn’t recognise. Kang-Min and Tae-Joo (also in Charlie team) were Yeong’s best friends from when he joined the Navy at 18. Putting aside each other’s background and only forming a relationship based on the person they are…that means that none of them cared that Yeong had close connections with the crown or that Kang-Min was actually the youngest son of one of the richest businessman in the country or that Tae-Joo came from a family of famous politicians. The three bonded through their strong values built on serving and protecting their people. Their country.

The three were always there for each other during hard times and was the infamous trio that stirred trouble in the base, it was a reckless age indeed. Eventually, the three grew up and matured as they advanced through the ranks and took on more responsibilities. There was of course, farewell. Yeong had to part ways from the two to work in the palace and protect the king, stepping off from active duty, only able to serve with his brothers when called for missions. But to Yeong’s surprise, here they are…meeting again. 2 weeks earlier than what Yeong had anticipated.

Yeong was glued to his spot, still confused as to why Kang-Min and Tae-Joo were here. Tae-Joo ran up and pulled Yeong into a suffocating hug, “Oh my god! How long has it been!? I’ve missed you sososososo muchhh! Hope you haven’t forgotten about us, captain of the royal guards~”, Tae-Joo exclaimed. Of course he is going to tease Yeong about his side profession, what did Yeong expect? Tae-Joo was always the joker, and he is going to have a lot to say about the scandalous news articles about Yeong that accumulated throughout the years. Being the king’s guard brought upon a lot of unwanted attention which Yeong had to admit that it made his life more difficult outside the palace as people would recognise him wherever he went.

Yeong peeled himself off Tae-Joo before addressing everyone before him, “I haven’t forgotten. Why’re you guys here?”

“What do you mean? We’re here to assist training with these guys. Before…you know…”, Kang-Min put his hand on the shoulder of the unknown man?…kid?…boy?…teen? The person looked young, but not too young. A hint of innocence still in his eyes. Something that Yeong have lost really early on in his life- the consequences of leading the life that Yeong had. Looking at the insignia on the person’s uniform, Yeong learned that he’s a Lieutenant Junior Grade. A few ranks down from his own pay grade. But still seems fairly-very- young to be at that rank.

“Afghanistan”, Tae-Joo swung his arm around Yeong’s shoulder and whispered playfully in his ear.

“So…we’re….”

“YES! WE CAN BE BADASSES TOGETHER!!”, Tae-Joo cheered excitedly, Kang-Min smiled along

“Oh right, he’s a precious dongsaeng of ours.”, Kang-Min gestured towards the mysterious person, “introduce yourself. Don’t be scared, LCDR Jo looks intimidating but he’s a softie inside”, Yeong shot Kang-Min an annoyed glare before greeting the young man ‘nicely’ with a forced smile.

The younger soldier gathered himself hastily and saluted Yeong, “Nice to meet you LCDR Jo, I’m Lieutenant Junior Grade Park Joon-Ho. I’ve heard a lot about you from sunbaenims, you’re my idol!”, Yeong chuckled a little, he could hear the nervousness in the latter’s rushed speech.

“Relax, I’m also glad that these two have found a reliable hoobae to replace me.”, Yeong offered a hand shake to which Joon-Ho accepted gratefully. To say that Yeong is his idol is an understatement. Yeong was all that Joon-Ho aimed to be, hearing stories from Kang-Min and Tae-Joo about extraordinary things that Yeong did and seeing how cool Yeong is as captain of the royal guards, protecting the king…the KING! And the fact that he’s childhood friends with the king only made Joon-Ho even more amazed. And now he’s standing before him, real and breathing. Joon-Ho is totally starstruck internally.

Joon-Ho excused himself shortly after to attend morning training. Yeong reported for duty to rear admiral Ahn and changed into the more comfortable instructors uniform. It’s been a while since he last visited, when he did stop by, the reason would always be Kang-Min and Tae-Joo. The Lieutenant Commander walked around the compound, familiarising himself with the place once again. He would hear people muttering ‘ _heol_ it’s Jo Yeong’ when he passed by those who recognised him, their expression confused as to why the captain of the royal guards is here, wearing an instructors uniform. Somehow not a lot of people actually know about his Navy background, people just assumed that Yeong acquired his position in the palace because of his connection to the king.

Lastly, Yeong enters the cafeteria, knowing that those two rascals would be hanging out at their usual table at the far right corner of the room.

“Yah~ nice to finally have you join us again.”, Tae-Joo teased at the sight of Yeong approaching, “We even saved your seat on purpose while you were gone”, Gesturing at the only empty seat around the table they’re at, it was Yeong’s seat.

“Are you sure that Joon Ho is not the one occupying this seat in my absence?”, Yeong eyed Tae-Joo

Tae-Joo cleared his throat awkwardly and smiled, “ _Ehem_ …well, there are exceptions.”

Yeong sighed and took a seat.

“So what’s the verdict on the mission”, Yeong asked

“Target is an arms dealer…and spy”, Kang-Min replied

_Interesting_

“Former US military. Selling intel to whoever paid before fleeing to Afghanistan and began his own weapons trade.”, Tae-Joo breathed out.

“Seems simple but it’s a tricky one. He’s been a ghost for the past 5 years, has people and places to hide all over. It was only recently that analysts at Langley picked up patterns of transactions back and forth, and satellite imaging confirmed the location to be Afghanistan”, Kang-Min informed

Yeong crossed his arms, “But, why do they need our help?”

“More like we offered to help”, Tae-Joo corrected,”There has been activity detected in the north region, turns out that a great portion of his customers are from Corea.”

“So why not eliminate their supplier so that Corea is safer...and our country also gets a little credit in eliminating one of the most wanted criminals“, Kang-Min concluded

Yeong nodded silently in agreement

“Is it fine for you to be gone this long?”, Kang-Min asked carefully, Yeong’s identity as captain of the royal guards is an elephant in the room when you’re talking about being in the special forces. It’s demanding on both sides, you’ll be called away frequently for missions and you can’t exactly protect the king if you’re not by his side 24/7. Yeong is always stuck with the dilemma to choose between the two.

Yeong thought silently for a while before replying simply, “I don’t know.” There’s been so much internal conflict the past week and Yeong feels like his head is going to explode if he questions even more about the future.

Tae-Joo sighed, “I wouldn’t know what to do too if I were you.”

Suddenly Kang-Min’s tone became serious, “How have you been?”

Yeong cocked his head to the side in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“We know that the job is tough, unlike how the media glorifies everything related to you and his majesty.”

Yeong sighed internally, he knew where this conversation was heading…these two idiots fuss over him about his ‘high risk’ job like his mother. It’s as if they’ve forgotten that they are soldiers too and at ‘high risk’ as well.

“Exactly”, Tae-Joo added, ”And when we heard you got shot last time…do you know how worried we were?”, Tae-Joo leaned across the table and cupped Yeong’s face in his hands, “our poor Yeong, why do I feel like you’re more likely to get hurt than us?”, the jokester wailed dramatically.

Yeong slapped his hand away annoyingly, he swears if somebody else did the same thing he would butcher their hands off, “The vest took most of the impact…I’m fine”, Tae-Joo is referring to the incident earlier this year when some stupid gang decided to assassinate the king during one of his lectures at a university, Yeong pushed the king to the ground as soon as he saw the flash of silver. The next second, Yeong could feel the brute impact of the bullets on his bulletproof vest as he shielded Gon from them, he questioned whether some managed to pierce through the armour as the pain wasn’t the usual dull and numbing but ‘raw’. The other guards managed to neutralise the threats almost immediately but not before Yeong passed out in Gon’s arms.

“So your definition of ‘fine’ is taking 5 bullets ‘to the vest’, narrowly escaping structural damage and internal bleeding, in the hospital for a week for torn ligaments, and already returning to work the next week.”, Kang-Min chided 

Silence. Yeong had nothing to say about that. The two had already visited him when he was hospitalised and gave him a lecture (which lasted an eternity) about ‘jumping into danger’. “The fact that it happened means I failed my job.”, Yeong muttered

“Brother, you’re not God. You can’t possibly know everything that’s gonna happen.”, Tae-Joo reasoned

Kang-Min sighed and looked at Yeong with a concerned expression, “What we’re saying is, take better care of yourself…no matter what you choose in the end, don’t get hurt.”

‘Don’t get hurt’, Yeong recited in his head…the second time today he’s heard the exact phrase. Why is everyone being like this lately? Yeong understood the risks when he decided to be Gon’s royal guard or when he’s Lieutenant Commander Jo in the navy. And it’s definitely nobody’s fault when he gets injured. For Yeong, it’s just part of the job and has come to terms with that fact the day he decided to enlist.

“Anyway, did you know that we’ll be out in the East Sea during training?”, Tae-Joo suggested, “The atmosphere around Dokdo is really bad now…of all places, why there?”

Yeong nodded his head in agreement, there’s a lot of tension between Corea and Japan currently, Japan already attempted invasion at the East Sea twice this year, the economic crisis is really making them do anything, pushing the boundaries time after time. The two countries are basically on the brink of war, any abnormal movement on either side could be taken as an attack.

“Let’s not think too much”, Kang-Min dismissed

The three continued catching up with each other before meeting the group of recruits they’re responsible for training during the next two weeks. Somehow, Yeong couldn’t shake off an uneasy feeling initiated by his sixth tenth. He knew it all too well. These feelings were never wrong…something horrible is going to happen.

And by horrible, he didn’t mean getting pranked by Tae-Joo or spraining his wrist when sparring with Kang-Min...it was something much bigger.

**2017 December 23**

**Busan naval base briefing room**

**0630**

Recruit training came to an end and Charlie team is finally complete when joined by Captain Kim Gwang-Yeol and Lieutenant Lee Cheol. The five of them have gone through everything together, may it be the harshest training ever or fighting alongside and supporting each other during missions. The captain was another hyung he cherished, like Gon, he has taught him many things in life and gave the best advices. Lee Cheol was a few years younger…but a real talent, extraordinary even by Yeong’s standards. Becoming a lieutenant in the navy at 23 is jaw dropping, but Cheol’s humbleness and diligence never fails to amaze Yeong.

Members of Charlie team situated themselves around the long conference table, the only source of light in the darkened briefing room came from the projector, which presented a dated photo of the target- David Adkins - Otherwise known as _Hades_ to people he deals with.

“——We have solid lead on the whereabouts of Adkins, we are to assist the American special forces Delta team to observe, infiltrate and eliminate. Briefing and training with them would undergo once at the American embassy. Wheels up at 0800”, Rear admiral Ahn finalised his presentation

Members of Charlie team stood up in unison as rear admiral Ahn left the room. Collapsing back into the chair immediately after the backside of the superior disappears from view. Yeong continued studying the document that was handed out, drowning out the loud chatter between Cheol and Tae Joo, focusing hard to memorise information on the target.

“Alright, anybody has any questions?”, it was captain Kim

“Why two months if we know his whereabouts?”, Cheol asked

“We don’t have specifics on his schedule, it’s very possible that the stakeout to observe his patterns would last longer than intended. He might not even be there…”, captain Kim sighed

After everyone have left to get ready, it was just Gwang-Yeol and Yeong in the room. Yeong seeming not to notice that the people have left.

“Yeong…”, _No reply_ , “Yeong!”

Yeong snapped out of his headspace and looked towards the captain sitting across him. “You okay?”

Yeong collected himself, “Y-yes captain. Sorry I was just thinking.”

“You can call me hyung when we’re alone.”, Gwang-Yeol assured, “How’s work at the palace? Not too tiring?"

“It’s alright, hyung. Nothing I couldn’t handle”, Yeong forced a smile

“You do know that I can tell when you lie right?”

Yeong looked down, slightly flustered

Gwang-Yeol leaned forwards, concern clear in his heavy expression, “Hearing about your injury had me worried.”

“It’s all healed now.”

Gwang-Yeol questioned that statement for a moment but let it slide, he knew that Yeong didn't like talking about those things,“Good. You know I trust you as second in command right? I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

“Yes hyung.”

Satisfied, Gwang-Yeol walked over to the younger man’s side firmly patting on Yeong’s shoulder, “Let’s grab a drink when we return, call?”

“Yes hyung.”

Then he was alone in the dark.

_Maybe my feeling is wrong._

_Somebody tell me that it’s wrong._

-TBC-


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Delta team members:  
> Cpt John Bradford  
> LCDR Adam Kane  
> LCDR Kyle Owen  
> Lt Henry Smith  
> Lt Adrian Miller

** “Don’t ask for guarantees. And don’t look to be saved in any one thing, person, machine, or library. Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore.” -Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 **

* * *

** American embassy Afghanistan **

** 2017 December 24 **

_** Jo Yeong’s POV ** _

I decided to start my day with some aiming practise, we’ve touched down yesterday morning local time and everybody settled in quite comfortably, we met up with Delta team and did a simple briefing before going on about our own ways. The real training starts today, although I haven’t really been able to sleep, may it be the time difference or Tae-Joo’s snoring…or thinking about what Pyeha was doing and if Ho-Pil and the others are slacking off somewhere in the office or break room. It’s still dark outside when I sneaked out of bed, the last I checked the time it was 5:10 am. Taking in a lungful of cold air, I make my way towards the shooting range. 

The sound of each shot bounces off the walls and echoes throughout the room. My mind is blank as I stare at the dark figure on the marking sheet yet my finger automatically pulls the trigger, shot after shot, as if I have this unspoken confidence in me which makes myself so sure that I wouldn’t miss any shot even if I wasn’t really concentrating. I’m not usually like this. What’s wrong with me these days? Sighing, I remove my earmuffs and click the button to bring my marking sheet forward. 

Suddenly a clap sounded in the room, startling me. What the hell? nobody should be up. I look towards the direction of the sound to find Kang-Min smirking.

“Yah~ never question Jo Yeong’s shooting”, He exclaimed 

I narrowed my eyes at him, “What are you doing here at this time?”

“Then what’re you doing here?”

A bit taken back by his response, I sighed and turned to load my gun again, “I like training alone. This happens to be the optimum time.”

“Yeong, lets bet 5 rounds”, technically he didn’t answer my question but that didn’t matter, instead Kang-Min decided to make another bet

I smirked, having missed the occasional competition with him, “And the consequences?”

“Hmm...”, Kang-Min thought for a moment, “loser have to grant the winner a wish”

Tilting my head in surprise, “A strange request to hear from you. Usually it’d be something stupid or paying for food.”

Kang-Min shrugged, “Don’t know. Just felt like it would be of use someday”

He then proceeded to set up at the stall next to mine.

“together?”, I asked, getting a nod in response.

Shots fired, one after another, feeling the recoil course through my arm and disappear through my whole body after each round. Then it was silence. Placing our guns down simultaneously, Kang Min and I waited for the marking sheet to make its way towards us to tell us the winner of the bet.

I wish I hadn’t accepted the bet because now we’ve been staring at the two sheets for more than 10 minutes already like an idiot. Both results are almost all perfect, and none of us want to admit to losing.

“I won”, Kang-Min crossed his arms

I glared at him, “No, I won”

“Look at this shot, it’s 4mm from the centre”, He said while pointing at hole on my sheet, “And look and mine, it’s less than 3mm”

“How can you possibly tell?”, I protested

He then winked at me, “By my sexy brain”

I let out a frustrated sigh, “Since when did you start speaking like Tae-Joo?”

“That means you admit that you lost, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever”, I figured that I would go insane if I continue to reason with him. After all, It’s just a wish.

The session ended with an unjustified decision but I’ll let it slide. Kang-Min and I went to the cafeteria to meet up with everybody else, greeting lieutenant commander Kyle Owen on the way- one of the Delta team members -and a closer friend from their side. A professional and skillful man, but most importantly, he knows how to speak Corean (because he was stationed in Corea for 5 years), cutting off a slack of labour for our side when we have to communicate. It’s not that we don’t know how to speak English…it’s just….inconvenient.

“Yeong! Kang-Min!”, Tae-Joo waved at us as we walked over to the table where the rest of Charlie team was having breakfast

“Where have you two been?”, Gwang-Yeol hyung asked

I was going to reply when Kang-Min cut the cue to speak first, “Shooting range. And I won a bet with our mighty Yeong!”, His tone was playful as he took a seat and I slumped down beside him, sighing in annoyance.

“Let’s just say that I let you win”

“Either way I won! Nobody ever beats Yeong!”

“And what did the loser have to do?”, Cheol asked, fascinated by Kang-Min’s victory. He too had challenged me to bets before, but of course I won every time. 

“He’d have to grant me a wish”, Kang-Min answered triumphantly, as if he’d done something so amazing that it might have deserved an award.

Gwang-Yeol hyung raised an eyebrow, “That could basically be anything”

“Yeong, you’re lucky that I’m not the Aladdin to Genie Yeong!”, Tae-Joo teased. He’s not wrong though, you will never know what Tae-Joo will ask for. And trust me, it’s never something good.

I rubbed my temples and hid from the gazes in defeat. How much longer do I have to be with these guys?! I’m really starting to miss Corea, the palace, my royal guards team…Hell, even the most annoying Pyeha!

We were about to finish breakfast when Rear Admiral Ahn showed up, the whole team stood up to greet his presence. Although he dismissed it quickly and took a seat next to Gwang-Yeol hyung. He leaned in, and gestured for us to do so as well. 

Looking serious, Ahn started to reveal the news,“Things have gotten difficult. Two American engineers have been reportedly kidnapped by Hades. It has turned from a simple elimination of target into a hostage situation.”

Gwang-Yeol hyung was taken aback,“But that’s not what we’re here for. Did the higher ups ask for us to assist in the rescue?”

“Exactly, what happened to the stake out plan and didn’t they say it was gonna be at least two months?”, Kang-Min added

Ahn shook his head, “It’s still in talks. But for now, just do as we would do and be prepared for the op in the next day or so. The Americans don’t like keeping their people waiting in the hands of a terrorist.”

“Is there intel in where they’re held and why exactly they’re needed by Hades?”, I asked

“Their side (Americans) is still trying to find out Hades’ movements, I believe that once he shows, it would be immediate action. And from what I heard, the hostages are pioneer engineers in the American’s new N-19 nuclear project. Seems like Hades needs help for his new nuclear production line.”

It was a few moments of silence as the team digested the new information, but it wasn’t long until Ahn’s phone rang. It was the higher ups. By the looks of it, we’ll continue assisting after all.

“Yes…….Yes understood sir. Goodbye.”, Ahn ended the call and faced us all, “Briefing room in 10.”

** Corea **

** 2017 December 24 **

“How come he hasn’t called? Or texted?”, Gon had been whining over the same issue for over a week and Lady Noh feels like her ears would fall off if the king mentions another word about the captain not contacting him. 

“Pyeha~, maybe Captain Jo is busy, and he will definitely take care of himself just fine.”, the old lady tried her best to reassure the anxious man before her

“But he had all the time while he was in Corea to call, and he didn’t!”, Gon reasoned, sounding exasperated.

“Then why don’t you contact him instead?”

Gon stared, “Well…because…because….”

Lady Noh sighed, “Aigoo, my head~ if you miss him that much then talk to him! Yourself!”

“Okay okay! But why are you getting mad?”

“Nothing!”

Later that day Gon sat in his study, typing away on his phone and then deleting what he just wrote. He simply didn’t know what to say to Yeong. Abandoning the phone in annoyance, he huffed and leaned back into the chair, pinching the bridge of his nose to ease an upcoming headache.

“Is everything alright Pyeha?”, It was Ho-Pil, he had almost forgotten that the sub-captain was here.

“Ho-Pil ah”

“Yes Pyeha”

“Did you hear anything from Yeong?”

“Yes, he called today.”

“He what?!”, Gon shot up from his seat, startling Ho-Pil who didn’t expect such reaction from the king.

“Y-yes uhm Captain Jo asked for the action reports for the past five days and the security plans for tomorrow’s Christmas event at the children’s hospital.”

“So he does know how to call”, Gon muttered under his breath

Ho-Pil was becoming more confused, “Excuse me?”

“Nothing. Did he say anything else? Is he okay?”

Ho-Pil shook his head, “No, he didn’t share anything else. And by the sounds of it he seems to be fine.”

Gon nodded in acknowledgement of the news. _At lease he’s doing okay._

** American embassy Afghanistan **

** Briefing room **

_** Third Person POV ** _

The atmosphere of the briefing room was heavy as ever, the Corean special forces team sits along one side of the long conference table and the American team on the other side. There’s an urge to converse at the sight of familiar faces but two innocent lives are at risk and nobody dares to be distracted. It’s their duty after all, protect the weak and fight the bad.

Rear admiral Jefferson was going through the intel, “Hostages are engineers of the N-19 project, Michael Vance and Julia Foreman. Reported missing last week and last known phone location was 5 miles out the area we are surveilling for Hades’ activity. We have eyes all over but haven’t caught a glimpse of the hostages…nor Hades himself. It’s believed that there’s an underground workshop where production of nuclear weaponry undergoes, currently we have planted an undercover agent to get close to Hades’ people to find out the location of the underground workshop.”

“After we obtain the location, it is just the matter of planning and training. Certainly, this is a far cry from our original plan to stalk until Hades shows, but now there are two lives at stake and hostage safety is always first. There’s no time to waste.”, Ahn concluded

“And target? Needed dead or alive?”, John Bradford, captain of Delta team asked.

“Don’t matter. Just don’t let him get away.”, Jefferson huffed and continued, “As soon as we get the layout of where the hostages are held, we are to figure out the safest way to rescue through scenario training. Understood?”

The special forces members nodded in unison, “Yes sir”

When the two rear admirals left the room, the members of the two teams starts catching up with each other again. They put their lives on the line together but in reality, they know so little of each other. After all, creating relationships are never something that soldiers are fond of…someday they’ll just be gone. Kang-Min and Tae-Joo are the social butterflies whereas Yeong and Cheol were the more reserved ones. This was another thing that Yeong liked about Cheol, the younger man didn’t have so much “useless” things to say and was never into gossips and rumours. 

“So how about a drink tonight at that bar outside the embassy? Since we’ll be hanging around until new intel surfaces.”, Lieutenant commander Adam Kane suggested. Yeong never liked this guy, he was over-confident, cocky and careless. He also wasn’t liking the idea of drinking, who would be so foolish to let their guards down in the enemy’s camp. So he sat and said nothing to contribute in the conversation, figuring that someone like Tae-Joo would answer the request.

As if on cue Tae-Joo spoke, “Sounds nice! We’ll see you guys there at 7”. Yeong wiped his face with his hand, _of course he’s gonna drink_.

Gwang-Yeol cleared his throat and addressed his team, “Right boys, enough of party plans. Let’s get on with some training, running track in 20.”

** Local Bar **

** 2030 **

Jo Yeong checked his watch for the umpteenth time, sighing in frustration at the fact that it’s not even 9. He’d ben dragged here by Kang-Min and Tae-Joo even though he made it clear that he had no interest in drinking. _Just come, It’ll be fun they said_. Now he’s sat here, sober, watching Corean and American special forces soldiers get drunk. _What fun times._ Although he wasn’t the only one sober, captain Kim also joined Yeong’s tiny fizzy drinks party, it’s as if the experienced captain knows that something will go wrong when people like Tae-Joo, Kang-Min and Cheol drinks. Cheol may seem mature but he is still a kid inside, wanting to have fun when he has the chance to, and the two child-like Lieutenant Commanders always make it happen for their youngest member.

“Did you call anyone back home?”, Gwang-Yeol asked, breaking the awkward silence between himself and Yeong

“I called my royal guards sub-captain today for a quick report” 

“You know that’s not what I meant”  


Yeong looked down at the can of coke in his grip, “No. They’ll know that I’m fine.”

Gwang-Yeol raised a brow, “But are you?”

“Something is going to go wrong in this operation. I feel it.”

“Is that what’s making you sulk everyday?”

Yeong turned to the captain, caught off guard, “Sulk? I didn’t sulk…”

“Everything’s gonna be fine. I mean it.”, Gwang-Yeol dismissed

“His majesty has been asking Ahn about you.”

Yeong’s eyes widened, “Pyeha?”

Kim nodded, “You really ought to call him or do something at least. From you personally.”

This news had Yeong puzzled, Gon never asked about him when he left for previous missions. Maybe the incident earlier this year had made the king more weary of his Unbreakable Sword. And Yeong figured that it was reasonable after all, he’s never been away for this long and Gon might be getting bored without anyone there to tease and annoy. His train of thoughts was interrupted by the sudden commotion sounding from the drinking table. Looking over to check what it was, the intensity of the scene felt like the starting of world war 3.

“Hey hey hey!”, Gwang-Yeol dashed towards the fight starting between Cheol and Kane with Yeong following quickly behind, trying to make the lieutenant loosen his grip on the collar of their teammate from across the pond.

“Stop it! Break it up!”, It was more of an order from superior to subordinate.

Yeong looked sternly at both parties, “You both had too much to drink. Go calm yourselves down.”

Everything ended when Cheol had finally let go and each person returned to the company of their respective teams. 

Yeong scanned the lieutenant for injuries, “Cheol, you okay?” - _nod_ \- “Come on let’s go”, giving a look to Tae-Joo and Kang-Min signalling to call it a night.

Charlie team retired back to their accommodation, Yeong reassured Gwang-Yeol that he’ll take care of everything, not wanting to stress this poor man even more with the ruckus caused by these monkeys. 

“Don’t move or I’ll do it even harder”, Yeong said flatly as he continued to apply ointment on Cheol’s split lip despite his protest against the pressure

Cheol laughed, “You know that you’re not intimidating to us right?”

Yeong sighed, “You guys are just like his majesty”

“Is it boring at the palace hyung?”, Yeong’s movement stopped for a second before continuing, it’s been a while since somebody else called him hyung. He was never close enough with his royal guards team to drop titles.

“Not boring. But really tests your patience. Someone like you will never be able to stay there for long.”, Yeong explained as he finished off with the first aid and handed a bottle of water to the tipsy man

“What happened just now anyway? I know you didn’t like Kane but you never went to the extent to make it physical”

Cheol swallowed a mouthful of water, “He was being rude and disrespectful. I mean, we’re here to help their sorry asses not ours…”, now more sober, the younger man gave Yeong a guilty look, realizing that it might have been a bad decision.

“Just make sure you don’t almost kill him next time. I’ll help you speak to captain Kim, you better not annoy him the next few days.”

Cheol showed a gummy smiled, “Thank you hyung~”

“Go sleep”

** 2017 December 25 **

** Third person POV  **

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

What better than to start the day with Tae-Joo’s shenanigans. Yeong groaned in annoyance, pulling the cover over his head in an attempt to shut out the noise from the human speaker. Tae-Joo climbs on the single bed and snuggles with the lump only to gain an elbow jab to the side.

“Ow! Yeong~ Come on~ it’s Christmas! Our first one together since God knows how long!”, The energetic jokester now lies on top of the lieutenant commander, trying to tug down the cover that the other man is gripping onto so hard that his life depends on it.

Yeong finally gives in and pulls down the duvet slightly, revealing his infuriated glare, “And I’ll make sure it’s the last if you don’t get off of me”

Tae-Joo grinned as he cupped Yeong’s face in his hands, “There’s our Yeong!”

Yeong slapped away the hands and got out of bed, “Don’t you ever get bored? How do you always manage to be so cheerful?”

“I’ll never get bored with our Yeong! ”

“What time is it anyway?”, Yeong checked his phone, looking at the time- 6:03 -and to his surprise, there are two notifications. There’s a message from Gon and his mother. He decided to read the one from his mother first:

_ Son, Merry Christmas! It’s the first one I’ll be spending without you…I know you might not see this in time but please call me when you can. Don’t get hurt and stay safe! _

Yeong decided he’ll call her later, as he was about to click into Gon’s message, the screen displayed an incoming call. _Capt. Kim Gwang-Yeol_

“Yes sir”

“Get the others together, the rescue op is scheduled for tonight”

“Understood”, Yeong ended the call and turned towards Tae-Joo, “Seems like we’ll be going home soon”.

** Briefing room **

** 0630 **

Both teams are called together once again, a slightly hostile atmosphere in the air due to last nights incident. Noticing the internal battle between the men, Rear admiral Jefferson cleared his throat, “Our undercover agent has provided us with a map of the underground workshop, the hostages are held in this holding cell”, he said while pointing at a small room on the map, “Info says that Hades will be there tonight at 2300 to check on the production progress, we should get ready and set up around the perimeter at 2000, once we see Hades enter, we go.”

“An imitation of the workshop based on this map has already been constructed for training, captains of both teams please coordinate your men accordingly.”, Ahn added

“Dismissed”

Yeong leaned back in the chair, studying the map, this place seemed too small to be used for nuclear weaponry production and why is it at a location where there’s a generous flow of people around daily? Hiding in plain sight? But Hades does not seem like the type to take such risks. The pieces just don’t add up in Yeong’s turning mind. Then he realised that he didn’t read Gon’s message, sliding out his phone and clicking into the unread message:

_ Merry Christmas, unbreakable sword. Waiting for you to come back and share some beer with me. P.s. I’m still annoyed that you called Ho-Pil instead of me.  _

A slight curve made an appearance at the corner of Yeong’s mouth. _I’ll be back soon._

Yeong then made a call to his mother. Not wanting to keep her waiting on his reply, the woman was relieved to hear her son is doing well and even more satisfied to learn that he’ll be returning soon. Yeong had missed her too, telling her that the next time they talk, it will be face to face.

** Scenario training set **

** 1405 **

“Clear!”

“Clear!”

Charlie and Delta team have split up, each team entering from one of the two entrances of the apparent underground workshop. The set was a real life model of the place and dummies were put in places where it’s likely to be guarded. The paths led to the centre of the workshop, where the teams decided to meet up and then head together to where the hostages are held.

They’ve gone through the practice almost a dozen times already, but the recorded time was always too slow for their liking. The men were exhausted and drenched in sweat.

“Again!”, Gwang-Yeol ordered

“Captain, can’t we just have 5 minutes? For a quick drink at least?”, Tae-Joo whined, out of breath and sweating through his gear like the rest 

Gwang-Yeol looked over to Yeong, his gaze asking for Yeong’s opinion as second in command, Yeong nodded. He decided that his team has worked hard enough to earn a quick break.

“Alright, tell delta team we’re resuming in 10 minutes”, Gwang-Yeol turned towards his subordinates, who’s eyes lightened up immediately and dashed off within seconds to get some water.

Taking off their helmets and sitting on the concrete floor, Gwang-Yeol and Yeong took their own time to recuperate.

“So…Did you call them? It’s Christmas.”

“Yeah, I called my mother”  


“And?”  


“I was gonna give his majesty a text later.”

Gwang-Yeol smirked, satisfied that Yeong listen to his advice, “My daughter gave me a temper because I’m not home today”  


Yeong had almost forgotten that Gwang-Yeol had a daughter, “Ji-Ah right? How old is she now?”

“She’s turning 5 in January”

“Time flies by so quickly. She was just a baby the last time I saw her”  


Gwang-Yeol smiled, “I hope she could stop growing already”

There was a moment of silence before Kang-Min ran over, “Captain, they’re at it again with Cheol!”

The two commanders followed the lead of Kang-Min to where a heated argument had occurred between some Delta team members (aka. Adam Kane) and Cheol.

“Whats going on?!”, Gwang-Yeol’s voice made Cheol snap his head back

“What’s wrong?! We’re not getting it right because Charlie is too slow!”, Kane mocked

“So it’s our fault again huh? Maybe we wouldn’t be here if your country didn’t produce someone like Hades!”, Cheol chided, agitating the opponent even more

“What’d you say?!”, Kane stood out to try and punch Cheol, thankfully Kyle Owen was able to hold his hot headed teammate back in time

Cheol too was going to give Kane a taste of his colours before Tae-Joo held him back. Shaking his head at the younger, signalling that it’s not worth it.

“Hey, just put it aside for now. You guys can bicker all you want after the mission is done”, Gwang-Yeol negotiated. He was also getting annoyed with Kane’s attitude but it wasn’t worth dwelling on it now.

“We only have hours left to get this right, and remember that it’s your people who are waiting to be rescued”, Yeong added

“Your team better keep up the pace”, Bradford remarked

“And your team better watch the attitude”, Yeong chewed back, giving him a death glare to indicate that the conversation was over.

The teams continued practice without exchanging a single word other than the necessary. After a few more tries, they finally managed to maintain their times within the ideal range, meaning that they were ready for the mission and it’s only a matter of time before they could all go home. 

Yeong checked the time after coming out of the shower- 16:13 -nearly 3 hours before the scheduled meet up. He thought about what he had discussed with Gwang-Yeol, he never intended to reply Gon, trusting that the king would know better, that he’d reach out once he’s done with his missions because that’s what he did every time. But somehow there was an itch to dial Gon’s number and hear his voice, was it because of his text? Or because it’s Christmas?

“Yeong~ look!”, Tae-Joo called out suddenly from behind, startling him. The sight before him made Yeong question even more on why he ended up in the same room as this man child.

With his hair combed back and styled like Yeong’s, paired with the most stoic expression that he can ever make, Tae-Joo attempted at Yeong’s tone, “I’m Jo Yeong, Captain of the royal guards”

Yeong stood, more speechless than impressed, “Is that what you think I look like? You look like you’re constipated.”

“Exactly! You always look like you’re holding in a fart or something”

“Seems like someone won’t see the light of day anytime soon”, Yeong said coldly

Tae-Joo grinned- his way of ‘sorry’- earning an eye roll from Yeong- his way of ‘I forgive you’-

After dealing with the lunatic, Yeong focused back on the phone in his hand. He might as well call Gon. It’s not nice to keep others waiting for a reply, and Yeong had guessed that Gon would be giving everyone a headache. Like when he’d sneak out with Maximus unannounced just to go see some snowfall. Yeong didn’t understand why too.

Gon picked up, “Hello? Yeong?”

“Pyeha.”

“Are you finally calling me?! Did you know how annoyed I was when you called Ho-Pil instead of me? All this time Yeong! I thought you were always on my side!”, Gon started venting on the other side of the line

“I can know how you are from Ho-Pil and get updated with security reports as well. In case you’ve forgotten, international calls are expensive.”  


“Fine”, Gon sounds defeated, “How are you?”  


“I’ll be back soon.”

“What do you mean?

“There’s been an unexpected change of conditions. The mission is scheduled for tonight.”

Yeong explained briefly and Gon let the information sink in for a moment. For one, Yeong is going to be back way sooner than expected and secondly, he is about to undertake a substantially more dangerous mission compared to the original stake-out and elimination. They didn’t even expect to be engaging in action, and now it’s elevated a whole new level of raid and shootout. 

“Well then. Guess I’ll spare Ho-Pil some disturbing and save it all up for you when you get back.”

Yeong chuckled, “I can’t say that I missed your pestering”

“Beheaded”, Gon joked, then there was a gasp, “Yeong, It’s snowing now!”

“First snow on Christmas huh?”

“Remember when we’d run outside and try to ‘eat’ the falling snow”

Yeong laughed at the funny memory, “That was ages ago, I was like what- 6?”

“Yeah I guess so”, Gon says, “It’s so beautiful outside, I wish you could see this”

“I will return as soon as possible”

“Okay then. Stay safe.”

“I will”

** Underground workshop perimeter **

** 2232 **

Cheol’s voice cracked through the comms, “The coast is clear”

Each team have situated themselves at a building across their respective entrances, the sniper’s (Cheol and Smith) surveilling and reporting every 15-20 minutes since their arrival at 20:16. The area is actually very quiet and away from the hustle and bustle 2 streets down. Almost as if it’s abandoned, all the buildings around here are empty and an eerie silence lingers in the air. The street is near empty other than the occasional stray animals, the special forces soldiers wait patiently and as the time nears 23:00- when Hades is expected to show up- the men starts to gear up and ready their equipment. 

At 22:53 the American sniper’s voice sounded, “Movement at front entrance, 3 men entering building”

“Are any one of them Hades?”, Yeong asked

“Affirmative”

“Alright, snipers stay in position. Sweepers, let’s get going.”, Bradford announced through the comm

“Charlie 1 to base, tango spotted entering building. Operation is a go, over.”, Gwang-Yeol reported

“Copy, over.”, was the reply from rear-admiral Ahn.

And then everything went into action. The well trained soldiers enter the building for the first time with stealth, having carved the layout of the rooms in their brain after numerous times of training. Everyone who did not identify as the hostages were neutralised as soon as they are in the scopes of their army issued rifles.

Everything had went as they planned. _Maybe too well_ Yeong thought.

The hostages were secured by the soldiers of their country. Which is their primary concern solved, although they’ve been scared shitless and can’t even mutter out a single word due to shock. But what had Yeong puzzled was Hades. Going through the faces of the bodies, none of them were Hades. What the hell? The man was seen entering the building and had never left before they raided. So where is he? How? The workshop was also too small to be considered for production of nuclear weapon…There were no materials for building weaponry and only had scraps of blueprints and papers covered with calculations. This was merely a place where they kept the hostage, production was elsewhere. 

“Charlie 2 to base, Hostage secured. No sign of hades. Over.”, Yeong reported

“What? How is that possible?!”, Rear-admiral Ahn’s confusion reflected Yeong’s

“Maybe a result of misidentification.”

“At least the hostages are fine. Exfil estimated arrival time is 2 minutes, the hostages and Delta goes first.”

“Understood”, Yeong replied and sighed as he made his way out to where everyone else was (even the snipers), breathing in the crisp cold air of the night as he emerges from the suffocating underground

Gwang-Yeol walked up to Yeong, “Is this what you meant by, ‘something is going to go wrong’?”

“Maybe”, Yeong said flatly

Charlie team sent off Delta team and the rescuees, watching the helicopter disappear in the night sky and leaving the five of them alone again. 

“Exfil for us is 5 minutes out”, Kang-Min announced

“Aish, can’t they be quicker? I’m freezing my balls off having to stakeout for almost three hours just to have that inexperienced Delta prick to misidentify the target.”, Tae-Joo whined

Before someone could come up with a reply, a shot echoed in the still air.

It was like slow motion and time froze. Yeong collapsed onto the ground, his teammates next to him too surprised and shocked to catch him in time. His brain registers immediately the familiar pain of getting shot, but this time, he was positive that it missed the vest as unexplainable agony starts to explode on his right side. Automatically, he pressed his hand over the wound, applying pressure to control the bleeding. A stifled groan escaped his mouth. He didn’t follow anything that happened around him afterwardd. Chaos.

“Sniper! EVERYBODY FIND COVER!”, Gwang-Yeol yelled 

Kang-Min and Tae-Joo dragged Yeong to hide behind an abandoned car. The lieutenant commander already out of it from the blood loss. The others are on autopilot, battle mode switched on, and scanning the surrounding buildings for the sniper.

“Charlie 3 to base! We are under sniper attack! I repeat, we are under attack! Man down! Need Exfil and back up ASAP!”, Kang-Min screamed at the comms as he hurriedly tends to Yeong’s wound, pressing his hand over Yeong’s limp and bloodstained one.

“Stay with me Yeong!”, Kang-Min was terrified, heart racing, Yeong’s gaze looked so tired and Kang-Min is so scared that if those eyes close up, he’ll lose him forever, “Yeong!”

Yeong found it strange, he could see how freaked out Kang-Min is and see his mouth moving when he speaks, but he just can’t make out the sound. He can feel himself growing colder and his vision is darkening and going out of focus. _Fuck, this can’t be the end. What a joke_.

Yeong’s mind wasn’t in the battle that his teammates are trying to fight so desperately. He thought about his conversation with his mother, laughing internally at how he had naively told her they’d meet in person soon. _I don't want to die like this_. For many reasons, Yeong was right. Gon...he couldn’t keep his promise to him. He got hurt eventually and might not return back to his side and serve as his unbreakable sword. Tearing his gaze off Kang-Min and looking up at the night sky, he thought about the snow that Gon had mentioned. How he just wanted to go back and be with the people waiting for him. How he had just wanted to feel the first snowfall land on his skin and melt away against his warmth. Smiling, he closed his eyes, hearing Kang-Min’s faint calls through an invisible veil. Then he welcomed darkness.

What happened afterwards was unknown to Yeong. There was more than that one sniper, in fact Charlie team was surrounded by supposedly a whole army of Hades men and despite knowing that they’re out numbered and will lose the battle for sure, the remaining four put up their best fight. 

“RPG!”, Cheol screamed

A deafening explosion followed. 

Gunfire ceased. 

Silence.

Where Charlie team once was is now ashes and smoke. The air still as ever. 

_ Like death. _

<눈>

-김소월-

새하얀 흰 눈,  가비얍게 밟을 눈,

재 같아서 날릴 꺼질 듯한 눈,

바람엔 흩어져도 불길에야 녹을 눈.

계집의 마음.임의 마음

-TBC-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snow  
> By: Kim So-Wol 
> 
> Pure white snow, Snow to step on,  
> Snow that is like ashes and blown away,  
> Snow that will melt in the flames even if it is scattered in the wind.  
> A girl’s heart. A carefree heart.


	4. Chapter 4

** “No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear” -C.S. Lewis **

* * *

** American embassy Afghanistan  **

** Commanding Room **

** 2018 December 26 **

** 0104 **

“Charlie 3 do you copy?! Charlie 3!”

Static sounds came as a reply.

Ahn Seok-Chul has never felt more worried for the safety of his men. Hearing Kang-Min’s desperate call for help a moment ago and now. Nothing. 

Ahn sucked in as much air as his constricted lungs would allow and clicked on the comms to talk again, “Charlie team…If you hear me, please reply…”

_ Silence. _

“It’s a fucking mess here, looks like it’s been bombed by a missile”, It was the exfil personnels who had just arrived at the scene. _Too late_. Their words had drained all hopes that Ahn had within him. 

“A-Any signs of Charlie?”

“Negative. There’s nothing left of this place.”

The cruel reality strikes Ahn like a freight train. The room went quiet and people cleared the room, leaving him all alone, without the company of his juniors who had just…sacrificed. _What a fuck up_. He lost his best men…and the target is still out there. Ahn dropped into his chair, white noise ringing in his ears. They were supposed to go home after all this. _Together_. 

Ahn arrived at the scene with Delta team, who were obviously shocked by the news on Charlie and had to return to see for themselves. He didn’t know what he had expected to see. But being there only tormented him even more. Thick smoke still lingers in the air, it smelt burnt, boulders of concrete on top of one another in a large pile. He found himself dropping to the ground on all fours, knees scraping against the rocky surface and clawing in the soil and dust, cutting his fingers against the roughness. The tears. Salty as they stream stealthily down his face and over his pressed lips. There was sorrow, grief…anger… _They must’ve been so afraid. So helpless. So…in pain._

What happened was unpredictable. Charlie team was not at fault for the misidentification, no, they did exactly what they were asked. Cooperate and assist. Nobody saw the ambush coming. The higher ups described it as a misfortune, a great shame to lose such elite warriors. They ordered Ahn to return as soon as everything is settled, leaving the task of hunting down Hades to the Americans. He is of no use here without his men. And Ahn hated how he couldn’t even avenge.

Delta team helped with clearing up their belongings. Even though they had a little fallout before the mission, they were still a team once upon a time, but only this time, not all of them returned. 

Ahn watched as they loaded the boxes onto the C-2. Rear admiral Jefferson stood beside him. The Americans expressed their condolences and gratitude for the help of Charlie team. ‘ _Fuck their condolences_ ’, Ahn thought. If it wasn’t for them, his men wouldn’t be dead. If his team had gone first, then they’d be fine. If they hadn’t misidentified…then…then….

Ahn looked up at the sky hopelessly, still dark in the bleak winter. What’s the point of ‘what if’s’ if it has already happened?

** Corea **

** 2017 December 27 **

_** Day 2 ** _

Gon was working through paperwork in the study when a knock sounded. He got a little excited, thinking that it was Yeong returning.

Much to his disappointment, a familiar feminine voice falsified his thoughts, “Your majesty, it’s me, secretary Mo.”

“Enter”

Gon watched as the woman entered with heavy footsteps, “Secretary Mo what brings you—“, Then Gon caught her teary eyes and walked over to her, “what’s wrong Secretary Mo?”

Then she just started crying, breaking down in front of the king, “Your majesty, I’m so sorry but—“

“But what?”

Then incomes a young man, in formal navy uniform. Black and white. He stopped next to secretary Mo and saluted Gon. Gon read the name label on the man’s uniform. _LTJG Park Joon-Ho_. Gon was confused but he had a feeling it was about Yeong. _It had to be Yeong_. 

“It’s Yeong isn’t it?”, Gon asked panicked, “T-Tell me! Where is he!”

Park Joon-Ho let out a shaky breath before informing the news that haunted Gon to the core, “It is with great regret for me to announce that Lieutenant Commander Jo Yeong, alongside Captain Kim Gwang-Yeol, Lieutenant Commander Yoon Kang-Min…Lieutenant Commander Han Tae-Joo and Lieutenant Lee Cheol has been declared missing in action during a covert operation in Afghanistan…I’m sorry…”, A tear escaped Joon-Ho’s eyes and he looked down, trying to focus on the patterns of the carpet below him…”Damage at the scene was too severe…T-they were unable to recover any bodies…”

Gon’s world froze. The people crying before him must be crazy, because Yeong wouldn’t——wouldn’t just leave. Just _die_. He was going to be back soon. He had told Gon himself. Yeong never lies.

“No no no no, Yeong wouldn’t…”, Gon started pacing, trying his hardest to repress the new information. But memories of Yeong’s every moment flashes through his mind. _Yeong’s figure. Yeong’s voice. Yeong’s eyes. Yeong’s smile._

Joon-Ho then produced two envelopes, offering them with trembling hands, “Here are the letters from Lieutenant Commander Jo for your majesty and Court Lady Noh”

Gon walked over, staring down at the envelopes held in Joon-Ho’s hands. Teardrops splat onto the words and mixes with the ink, blurring Yeong’s neat handwriting - _Pyeha_ -. He didn’t want to take them. Because maybe if he didn’t take them, Yeong wouldn’t be dead. At least not to Gon. Because these letters were Yeong’s last words to the people he loved and cared about in case he didn’t make it back. If Gon accepted them, it means that he believes that Yeong is really gone. And Gon doesn’t believ—no—Gon doesn’t want to believe.

Gon turned his back to his visitors, “I want to be left alone. You’re both excused.”

Secretary Mo and Joon-Ho looked at each other and retreated understandably after bowing prudently. As soon as he hears the door shut, Gon’s legs buckled, collapsing onto the wooden floor.Painful tears break free from the reservoir. An agonising ache starts igniting in him, he wails as he clutches onto his chest. The sound reflects the pain of loss that nobody should ever have to experience. He knew this all too well from losing his mother, then his father…now… _Yeong. Yeong. Yeong._

Eyes red from all the crying, Gon looks at the envelopes that Joon-Ho had left on the coffee table. Gon picks up the one for him, pre-stained with his tears, he then walks over to his desk, pulling open the drawer that revealed the police badge from that fateful night in 1994. Gon places the envelope next to it. Looking at the woman- _Jeong Tae-Eul_ -. _Why was there no one to save Yeong?_ Gon looked at the idle envelope one last time and shut the drawer, almost angry. 

That day, snow continued falling. 

It was cold and lonely. 

And the king cried and cried, hoping that the tears would put him out of this misery.

It was going to be a long snow season.

Gon now hated the infinite bits of white falling from the sky. It reminded him of his father. The way the snowflakes fell carelessly onto his dead father’s body. The way they melted away in the flame as he watched the bloodied robe burn. Now, it reminds him of Yeong. Who will never be back.

His death for the country would not be made known to the public.

There would be no funeral to remember him.

His actions aimed to promote peace.

His actions have protected Gon and his country.

He brought security into the lives of people he crossed paths with. And people who knew him remembered bits of him in their hearts.

After grief comes guilt. He was—He was Gon’s closest thing to family, a brother. He was somebody’s everything. And now gone. Just gone. He hated himself for letting Yeong go. He should’ve trusted his gut feelings. If only he knew that it would be the last time he’d hear his voice…if only he knew that it was the last time he’d have him by his side. Gon feels as though he has robbed Yeong’s life. He shouldn’t have confined him to the title of the unbreakable sword. That way, Yeong would’ve led a life of his own, doing things he enjoyed, meeting people, and not live a life with the constant risk of getting injured or…death.

The next few days was suffocating to say the least. At the centre of the silent snowfall and the occasional howl of wind lies a profound melancholy and sadness. The palace was frozen. An almost depressing aura in the empty halls. The king is long lost in his own pensiveness, rarely leaving his bedroom and choices for the country have been handed to the prime minister to decide. 

Only people that knew Yeong on a closer level knew of the truth. The royal guards have mourned the captain in their own ways. And Lady Noh…her fragile body couldn’t take the stress and had given up on her, leaving her bedridden. Her hands always clenched onto the letter that Yeong wrote to her. As if reading it over and over again would bring some comfort…or closure.

Gon visited Yeong’s parents personally. Not knowing why, maybe because they’re the next closest thing to Yeong. He needed something at least. But his presence only intensified their pain. The divorced couple coming together for the first time in years only because of the death of their only son. Mourning over the fact that their son had ‘died an honourable death but couldn’t be mentioned whatsoever’. Gon hated the navy regulations, he may be the king but he can’t just bend rules and laws. His mother’s bitter cry killed Gon on another level. _Shame. Shame that you let him go._

** 2018 January 10  **

_** Day 16 ** _

Gon had gone completely insane. What’s left of the king is a hollow shell, his insides broken into a million pieces. He had little energy left in him from the lack of eating, worrying the staffs even more. Especially Lady Noh. He would cry until he grew tired, the pain in his heart spikes at at the tiniest thought of Yeong. 

His mind is recoursing itself into thinking that Yeong was still here, _alive_. It’s as if his body is refusing to get used to Yeong’s absence. He would look up to the left while at the desk, expecting to see Yeong standing there silently like he always did, but Yeong wasn’t there. And when he’d go ride with Maximus, he’d catch a glance of Yeong’s horse, Apollo. People didn’t know what to do with him, the horse was stubborn like his owner and would only allow Gon to ride it. So Gon would care for Apollo like he did with Maximus, and gain some comfort in talking to the horse about Yeong, as if Apollo could feel the sorrow in the tone of his owner’s friend and let him cry on his dark coat. 

“Do you miss him too?”, Gon asked Apollo as he stroked him on the side

Apollo rested his head on Gon’s shoulder, an offer for a comforting hug which Gon had accepted eagerly. A sudden wave of emotion takes over Gon and he begins to sob again. Everything had been so hard without Yeong. It is when he is gone that Gon realises how much he relies on Yeong. Yeong was his only way out of the demands he’d have to face as the king. Yeong was always there with him, through the good and bad. Yeong always listened and cared. Yeong protected him and put his life on the line for Gon simply because he trusted him. Gon should have been more serious and listened to Yeong as well. In short, Gon hated how he took Yeong for granted. Because no one could ever be as good as him.

When Gon returned from the stables, nobody dared to look at him. The staffs bowed and excused themselves hurriedly when they saw Gon walking in the corridors. Honestly, Gon appreciated that because he really didn’t want to talk to anyone. Except for Lady Noh. She has gotten better and accepted the fact that Yeong was gone. Something that Gon couldn’t bring himself to do. Today in particular, he wanted to talk to her.

“Pyeha, you don’t have to worry about me. Prince Buyoung has been keeping me company all this time.”, Lady Noh reassured from the other side of the tea table

“I don’t want to lose you too.”, Gon muttered as he took a sip of tea

“I know…I know…”

The silence was unbearable, the sorrow that had started in the stables creeps back to Gon again, “Lady Noh….”, He sucked in a breath and faced the old lady before him with teary eyes, “I—I don’t know how to live without him”

“E—Everything reminds me of him!”, He croaked out in between his cries  


The boy’s condition pained Noh Ok-Nam, she shuffled over to his side and pulled him into an embrace as he cried over her shoulder, “Pyeha, let it all out…It will be better…”

Tears swell in her eyes as she thought of the other boy, too young and perfect to be gone,“He wouldn’t want you to dwell on him. He would want you to stay strong…Even when he is not here, you are to live honourably as the king that the people of your country relies on…Yeong would want that.”

Gon shook his head, “I shouldn’t have let him go…”

“It’s nobody’s fault.”

Gon laughed internally, how funny. But maybe she was right. He couldn’t get over the fact that Yeong was taken from him because of how things went ‘naturally’, or as people would say- _fate_ , or _God’s will_. _What a bunch of bullshit_. He needed something to take the nonexistent blame, even if it meant himself. Because it’s Yeong’s life. And it’s not worth saying that he died because of some nonsense _fate_.

The palace is totally dead. Gon realised that Yeong left more impression than he would’ve liked, the man didn’t like attention at all and practically lived like a ghost. But Yeong was a once in a lifetime friend. And he wished that he had the chance to tell Yeong that. That he ~~is~~ was loved deeply by the people around him. 

While Gon was consumed by the pain of grief and guilt, he also had a feeling of unease. Something didn’t add up. He demanded the action reports right away. Gon is a mathematician and scientist, there’s no proof to show that Yeong and his team is actually…dead. There’s no body. Even if the place was bombed to oblivion by a missile. There must be something left of the team. So Gon refused to think that Yeong and his team was dead, and the truth will be revealed when they capture David Adkins- _Hades_. 

Everything screamed abnormality. He learned how there had been a misidentification but the hostages were rescued successfully nevertheless. Did Yeong question this too? Then Charlie was attacked after sending off Delta and the hostages. Almost as if the attackers knew about the mission and chose that exact time to ambush. But how? 

_A mole_.

They weren’t aiming for the Americans or the hostages, because they would’ve attacked earlier. If Charlie team is still alive, then they must be held somewhere by Hades. What does he want from them?

Gon thought hard. Hades was a man of weapons business with military background. He had clients all over the world. A large proportion of them from Corea, this made Gon question the customs in Corea, how can such trades be happening in his territory? Due to the illegal trade of weapons between people like Hades and criminals of the society, the country is far from a safe place that Gon wishes to create for his citizens. That’s why Yeong’s team was deployed to eliminate such people, in hope to promote safety and peace in Gon’s country…their country. Gon became even more troubled, not only did he fail Yeong but he failed his country. Was losing Yeong the consequence?

Rear Admiral Ahn was called in to meet Gon, the older man clearly having a difficult time processing the loss of his best people. Gon had just made it more difficult for the man by trying to convince him that Yeong and his team was not dead.

“Pyeha, with all due respect, please…they’re gone! I’ve seen what was left of that place…there’s no way they could’ve survived!”, Ahn protested in despair

Gon didn’t blame him for such reaction. But if there was any chance to suggest otherwise, why not?

The king sighed, “I understand Rear Admiral Ahn…but please, I ask you as a family of the deceased. Don’t give up hope.”

Ahn collected himself in a moment of silence, “What’s your plan?”

“Send the best investigations team to Afghanistan to track down Hades alongside the Americans. We are not backing up so easily.”, Gon ordered

“But the higher ups-“, Ahn was beginning to feel uneasy

Gon Glared, “It’s the kings order.”

Ahn bowed, “Yes Pyeha”

“And…and if Charlie team is alive, Hades will reach out for demands. So look out for that...beware of the people. You never know who’s working for him.” 

“Yes Pyeha”

“I am going to hunt down that son of a bitch”, Gon muttered in a low voice

** 2018 January 21 **

_** Day 27 ** _

42 days since he last saw Jo Yeong, and almost a month since he last heard his voice. Gon could feel that he is losing himself day by day. He tried to distract himself with work, until he collapsed from all the exhaustion, but even in his dreams, he finds Yeong. A new addition to the recurring nightmares he had since childhood. 

He sees Yeong in uniform, leaving his room that morning and Gonfollows after him. To tell him not to go. To warn him about what was going to happen in Afghanistan…Just anything. Yeong never turned back. Gon couldn’t make out the words, he is mute in this damned dream. He would scream Yeong’s name but not a single word would be projected. He’d struggle and cry his way back to consciousness, only to be greeted by the darkness and the heavy weight of the blanket anchoring him down. A phantom pain lingers at the back of his throat.He couldn’t sleep anymore afterwards so he’d sit by the window with a book, half daydreaming and half reading, until the warm colours of dawn floods the page he was on;

<그리움>

-신달자-

내 몸에 마지막 피 한 방울

마음의 여백까지 있는 대로

휘몰아 너에게로 마구잡이로

쏟아져 흘러가는

이 난감한

생명 이동

** 2018 January 31 **

_** Day 37 ** _

_ Yeong, are you in pain? _

_ Yeong, are you happy? _

_ Yeong, are you still here? _

_ Yeong…Yeong…Yeong ah... _

Gon misses the way Yeong’s name just slips off his tongue so swiftly. Nobody would mention that name anymore. And Gon only talked to him in his head. As more time passes, and no news from investigations…Gon slowly begins to think that Yeong is truly gone, yet he refuses to open that envelope which still sits in the drawer he placed it in…the drawer that has never been opened since. What do they call it? In denial?

“Pyeha, what are you thinking so deeply about?”, Gon’s eyes snapped back to Lady Noh, he must’ve spaced out whilst talking to her

“Nothing.

“Lady Noh, what would you be if you were born again?”

The old woman before him hesitated, “That’s an interesting question to hear from you.”

“I’m not sure. I guess I still want to be born as me. So there’s always someone to have your back.

Gon chuckled, “Have I not annoyed you enough that you are willing to withstand that for two lives?”

“If it means that you will be happy…then yes.”

“You sound just like him.”

Lady Noh sighed, “What would you want to be reborn as?”

“An ordinary person. Someone that could go to school and have many friends. I will lead an ordinary life…So my friend’s life can also be ordinary.”, Lady Noh reached over the table to hold Gon’s hand in an attempt to provide comfort. Gon ran his thumb over the back of her wrinkled hands and sniffed, trying to control his emotions once again.

“Do you know what he said?”, Gon laughed in disbelief, “He told me that he wants to be born as a bird so he can have eyes all over where I go…How naive”

Lady Noh smiled, “You did drive him crazy a few times”

“This time he drove me crazy. Big time.”

* * *

Later that day, a raven stopped outside Gon’s window. It’s gaze staring straight through his soul. Gon smiled bitterly. _Why does your choice of birds also have to be so gloomy?_

-TBC-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longing  
> By: Shin Dal-Ja
> 
> The last drop of blood on my body  
> To the margins of your mind  
> I'm driven by you, randomly  
> Pouring  
> This difficult  
> Movement of life


	5. Chapter 5

**"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light." -Dylan Thomas**

* * *

**Somewhere in Afghanistan**

**2017 December 28**

_**Day 3** _

“Yeong!…Yeong!….Jo Yeong!”

Yeong stirred in discomfort and with great effort, he cracked his eyes open only to see someone hovering over him. It was dark so he couldn’t make out much, but he definitely recognises the voice. Oh and, he feels like shit. Surely he shouldn’t feel anything if he’s dead...so was it just a misconception that the afterlife would be painless?

“Oh my, thank God!”, the voice sounded too real, Yeong could sense the urgency within it, ”Can you see me? Do you know who I am?”

Yeong’s brows furrowed in confusion, “Han Tae-Joo?…..Why is it you that I see in my afterlife.”

There was a pause before ‘Tae-Joo’ continued, “You’re— _We’re_ not dead. Yet.”

“What? No way....”, Yeong scanned the figure aka.Tae-Joo and then the dark surroundings. He didn’t know if it was him or the place was that badly lit that there’s almost no light for people to see.

Another dark figure moved into his sight, “Yeong ah, how ‘bout me? Do you recognise me?”

Yeong furrowed his brows, “H-hyung?”

He heard a sigh and then felt a hand-calloused and rough...but warm- against his right cheek, “Yeah, that’s right”

Cheol squeezed next to Gwang-Yeol, “How bout me Hyung?!”

Of course Yeong knew who he was, he won’t ever forget this dongsaeng of his even in another life, “Cheol...”, he then thought about what happened...the ambush...shootout...panic starts to set in as he tries to lift his head in unease to check over his teammates more properly but failing to do so as a sudden wave of lightheadedness strikes him, causing him to grunt in pain involuntarily.

The rest of Charlie team became alarmed at the sound made by Yeong, Tae-Joo lifted his weary gaze away from Yeong, “Kang-Min what’s wrong with him?”

“Probably the fever”, another voice, supposedly Kang-Min, replied.

He then felt a hand against his forehead followed by a sigh, “But it’s been 2 days already, will he be okay?”

“Let’s hope so...The wound isn’t looking too pretty”, Kang-Min muttered as he inches towards Yeong’s side, pulling up his bloodstained uniform and uncovering the messy dressing on his gunshot wound, even in the dim lighting he could see the angry red surrounding the amateur-like stitches. Inflammation. Infection.

Yeong wanted to get up and see what’s actually going on. Many questions popped in his throbbing head but he didn’t have much energy to convey them, nor does he feel like talking. Everything felt so heavy, as if there was a force pulling him into the ground he’s lying on. But one thing he knows for sure is that he’s still alive, and so are his teammates. A sharp pain on his side brought him back to reality, making him groan in discomfort and try to shift away from whoever was poking at his gunshot wound but unyielding hands held him down, and he was stuck in a fixed position, expecting stinging pain to be inflicted on him.

Kang-Min stopped his actions and looked up at Yeong, “Sorry, it’s infected so I have to clean it. Bear with me for a second.”

After a few moments of torture and struggle, Kang-Min was finally finished with the cleaning. Yeong went limp beneath the hold of his teammates, all energy spent, delirious and shaking slightly from the stress. When he couldn’t hold onto consciousness anymore he closed his eyes and drifted back into infinite darkness again.

“I-is he alright?”, Cheol asked shakily, eyes wide like saucers as he watches Gwang-Yeol feel a pulse on Yeong’s neck

Gwang-Yeol breathed out heavily as he feels steady beats against his fingers, “He’s fine”

**2017 December 30**

_**Day 5** _

_**Jo Yeong’s POV** _

The next time I came to, it was a little brighter, but not by much. The smell in the air wasn’t pleasant, my throat feels drier than ever and a throbbing pain still lingers at my wound on the side. I realise that I’m still in my tactical uniform, helmet, comms and weapons gone, I don’t know how long it has been since the mission, but hygiene is definitely out the window. Taking a deep breath and pressing against the injury, I gather to get myself off from the ground. The moment I lifted my head, my vision starts swimming again, I must’ve made too much noise because immediately, I feel hands on my shoulders, pushing me back onto the ground.

“Don’t”, the voice whispered. Squinting to focus my vision, I took a look at who it was. Kang-Min.

Blinking in confusion, I asked,“What happened? Where are we?”

“What do you remember?”

“The mission, I got shot, we were under fire...”, I shook my head, “Nothing afterwards.”

Kang-Min didn’t say anything for a second, so I prodded, “Well? Where are we? What happened?”

“We don’t know where we’re at. But after you passed out, we tried to fight against them-“

“Them?”

“Hades’ people. But I’ll go onto that later.”

“They RPGed us, we barely made it to cover. They took advantage while we recovered from the blast, and took us down into this underground chamber, through this hidden compartment back in the workshop. And there Hades was. It wasn’t a misidentification...Hades was hiding there all along.”

“Then they launched a missile, which probably destroyed the structure completely.”, Kang-Min paused,“People would believe that we’re dead already.”

“Then how did we end up here?”

“Don’t know. They knocked us out. When we came to, it was here.”

“And me...H-how did they?”

“You were almost gone. They had some quack at their disposal, it was better than nothing because you’d be dead by now. They took you somewhere else after they locked us up, and a few hours later you were carried back all patched up.”

“So some illegitimate doctor performed surgery on me”, I breathed, exasperated by all the information

“Yep”

“Okay...help me up will you?”

With great effort, I was finally able to sit up despite the pain that all the movements have caused. The commotion have caught the attention of the others, hurrying over to help and bombarding me with questions. At least they’re okay. Leaning against the wall opposite the heavy-metal door, I took a good look at the surroundings. All five of us are in a cell, about 16m^2 in size, concrete walls and floor, a prison-like toilet in the corner, a bucket of water, a small barred vent over the top of the wall I’m leaning on, allowing light from outside to illuminate the cell. Great. Fucked up on all levels.

I turned to Kang-Min, “What’s next? Aren’t we going to escape?”

“We’ve been trying to get our head around that too.”

“But there’s nothing.”, Cheol added

“It’s been five days, judging from the light.”, Gwang-Yeol hyung said

“And the people haven’t talked to us. Nothing. Other than giving food and water. Medical supplies if we asked…They need us alive for something”, Kang-Min stated

Gwang-Yeol hyung pressed his lips into a thin line, “If it ever comes to interrogation...remember your SERE training”

Tae-Joo sighed, “So to sum it up, we’re dead but not dead, captured by an arms dealer in god knows where, and there’s no way of getting out. At least not in the near future.”

“Well, we’re still in Afghanistan…”, Cheol replied, gaining an eye roll from Tae-Joo

Thinking hard, the pieces started to come together for me,“It feels like a set up...all of it.”

Everyone looked over, confused, “What do you mean?”

I swallowed,“The hostages were just bait to get to us, he never needed them in the first place. Somehow he knew that we were working with the Americans, whom he knows have been on his tail since the beginning of time...he’s hidden so well from their surveillance all these years, why show up now?”

“He wants something from our side”, Gwang-Yeol continued

I nodded, “And we’ve become his hostages for his exchange”

“This is messed up on all levels”

I sighed,“We’ll get answers when we see him”

“I’d rather be dead than to be used by someone like him”, Tae-Joo scoffed

There was some noise coming from the other side of the door, the next thing we know, Hades walked in with armed men on either side. He looked just like the photo we were given for reference, albeit a couple more years of age. He’s well built, at least 6 foot in height, tidy and business-like in his black Italian style suit.

“Speak of the devil”, Kang-Min muttered by my ear

“Well well, see who’s finally awake! I was afraid that I wouldn’t get what I want before I even ask for it”, Hades made his way in and crouched before me. Levelling our eyes. The strong cologne almost suffocating me at this distance. There was a hint of mischief in his gaze, but deadly.

Nobody said a word, my team quietly observing his every move. Strange, he has an exclusive interest in me, totally disregarding the others and only showing up knowing that I’ve regained consciousness. He looked at me expectedly, waiting for me to say something to his previous remark. _Who does he think he is?_ I gave him my usual glare instead.

He raised his brows, as if he’s amused by the insubordination, “Silent treatment I see”

He stood up, straightening his suit, “One way or another, you’re going to want to speak soon.”, turning towards the door and walking past his men, whom he stopped for a second to give an order,“Take him.”

Gwang-Yeol hyung and Kang-Min stood up in protest before me only to get guns pointed at their heads. I stood up from my spot and pushed past the wall they’ve formed before me, shaking my head at Gwang-Yeol hyung to tell him that it’s fine. Well, not really. I’ve prepared mentally for what was coming next, but the roughness from being manhandled really sucks when you have a healing gunshot wound. The grunts I’ve been trying to hold in turned into tears that formed at the corner of my eyes. I realised that I’m more fucked up than I thought, my legs aren’t coordinated due to the lack of food, I’m practically dragged by these two guys while we walked in what seems like an underground chamber. We’re basically walking in tunnels, like the ones in mines, I tried to take a mental note of how many turns we made, left or right.

They brought me to a room, Hades was sitting at a table and the guys plopped me down into a chair opposite him. The room wasn’t big, no windows, a hanging light bulb above the table, the sudden brightness made my eyes hurt. Hades waved off the men, leaving the two of us alone in the room.

Hades started speaking, “You see, I don’t like things to be difficult. Lieutenant Commander.”

He then pulled out a pistol from his inner pocket and placed it before him on the table, “You’re not mute, and can definitely understand English given you’ve been working with Delta.”

I chuckled to myself, this guy can’t kill me, and he’s threatening to shoot me?

“How ridiculous.”

Hades tilted his head to one side, “Well, what makes you think that?”

“You need me alive.”

He smiled, “That’s right. Or you’d be six feet under by now. Consider me your lifesaver.”

“My team and I wouldn’t be in such circumstance if it wasn’t for you”, I said flatly

“And if you get me what I want, then you’d be on your way”

“You’ve orchestrated this all along.”, I paused and looked at him, “ You hid from the Americans for years, too well that it’s impossible to even catch a glimpse of your shadow. A ghost. But you realised you needed something from us, so you’ve shown yourself on purpose, knowing that we’d join forces with Delta…The American hostages were just bait to get us into your scope. But how did you know about the mission?”

Hades laughed and clapped his hands,“I gotta say. You’re definitely the smart one.”, He then calmed down and leaned forward,”To answer your question, the Americans always pick the worst undercover agents. Seriously, they should’ve tried harder if they’re going to send someone to infiltrate my circle. You have to realise that money is always the biggest temptation to make someone betray their loyalty.”

“Also, the hostages weren’t just bait, I’ve already got what I wanted from them.”

“WMD? Is that what you’ve been working on? Have guns and missiles become too boring for you?”

“Well, guns and missiles are efficient, but they don’t pay enough.”

“What is it that you want”

“I’m sure that you will know of this too, Lieutenant commander Jo. Or should I say Captain Jo Yeong of the Royal Guards.”

How did he know my name? Sure, my rank insignia is on my uniform, but we’ve removed our name labels to prevent identification if anything goes wrong in a covert operation. I kept myself alert, controlling my expression to not show any reactions that would compromise me.

“You should recall that last year, the royal court stumbled across a situation involving 10kg of plutonium. That belonged to me, a product of a deal I made with my Russian client. I know that it’s buried somewhere in Corea, I just need you to tell me where, and I’ll have my people go collect it. Voilá, I get my Plutonium, you and your team are free.”

It’s as if a light switched on in my brain, I know exactly what he’s talking about. Last year, around 10kg of plutonium was found in an abandoned mine in the north region by some metal detector hobbyists. Clearly, someone had placed it there. An emergency conference was held shortly after, including Pyeha, the prime minister and military officials. Unsurprisingly, the officials were in favour of taking advantage of it to enhance Corea’s firepower, but Pyeha ruled against it. So it was decided that the plutonium would be buried beneath one of the military training bases in Pyongyang. Specifically called the CI-328 facility, it being a training base is just a façade, in reality it’s the secret location for Corea’s Intelligence and Security Service HQ, almost impenetrable to the outside world.

Essentially the plutonium is never to be touched again. Unless Pyeha changes his mind and Corea decides to invest in nuclear weapons production.

I looked at him sternly, “You’ll never get to know the location.”

He leaned forwards, “You’re not the only one that’s going to suffer. Think about your teammates.”

Him threatening to hurt my team just made my blood boil, “Don’t you dare touch them.”

“We’ll see about that.”, He then stood up to make his way out, “I’ll give you three days.”

* * *

“Yeong! Are you okay? What did he do?”, Gwang-Yeol hyung couldn’t stop asking me that since they dumped me back into the cell.

“Nothing”

“Then what did he say?”, Cheol asked

“He wants plutonium.”

“What?”

I sighed, “The information I’m about to tell you all is classified. But as your lives depend on it, I have no choice but to disclose.”

“Last May, 10kg of plutonium was recovered in an abandoned north region mine. A national security meeting was called for, involving the royal court, prime minister and high military officials. The conclusion was to bury the plutonium and to never speak of it again. Hades is proposing that the plutonium belonged to him, a trade between him and the Russians. The mine was the trading spot, but unfortunately it was seized by us before he could get to it. He wants the location of where it was buried.”

“So, where was it buried?”

“I can’t say. Knowing less is safer for all of you.”

“But hyung!”, Cheol whined

I sighed and denied again,“No…He gave me three days. If not, he’ll threaten me with you guys”

Gwang-Yeol hyung looked at me very seriously, “You’re not planning on telling him are you?”

“I-I don’t know”

There was a moment of silence, I see them exchanging glances with each other, as if they’re communicating through telepathy and I’m not part of their connection.

Finally, Gwang-Yeol hyung clears his throat, “Don’t. If you tell that scumbag just to save us. We won’t live by it.”

“Then what should I do?”

“We work on the escape.”

I looked around the concrete box, “How?”

“What did you see when they took you out?”

“It’s just a tunnel with multiple branches, narrow, and there’s a guard at about every turn.”

“Did you catch with way was the exit?”

“No. It’s like a maze in here”

I looked up at the vent, the bars bending the light that enters, “have you guys seen what’s out there?”

Kang-Min shook his head, “We’re in the middle of nowhere. It’s like a desert out there.”

“We have to find a way to make contact.”

“Oh! The guards use walkie talkies!”, Cheol exclaimed

“Yeah but how are we going to snatch it off them?”, Tae-Joo asked

Cheol smirked, “That’s my area of expertise, in case you’ve forgotten.”

In fact, we’ve all forgotten that Cheol was once a pick pocketer, he joined the navy to escape the harsh reality of making ends meet in the outside world, he expected nothing, but now he found a real world that treats him well and allows him to discover his talents.

“You have to get close enough to them.”

“Three days...then we’ll get real close to them. Although it’s gonna hurt a little.”, Cheol winced at the thought

I tilted my head, are they really gonna get tortured voluntarily just to collect tools to escape?

I looked at him in disbelief, “You’re unbelievable”

“We have no choice”

**2018 January 5**

_**Day 11** _

_**Jo Yeong’s POV** _

It didn’t hurt ‘a little’, it hurt a lot. Hades kept his word, after 3 days of refusing to provide any information on the location, he started to take my teammates for ‘questioning’. As if they’d know anything about it because I hadn’t revealed a word from CI-328 to them, I don’t want to risk jeopardising them even more.

First they took Gwang-Yeol hyung, he was brought back all beaten up, his face bruised and bloody. The next day they took Tae-Joo, he was left with the same condition but even worse, his left eye was swollen shut. He told me that they couldn’t withstand his jokes so they went extra hard on him.

“No matter what happens to us. Do not say it.”, Tae-Joo said for the nth time, I couldn’t bare to look at his beaten face so I turned and said nothing. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. Apologise?

I could hear them mutter their ID, unit number and rank in their sleep. That’s probably what they had repeated over and over again while getting beaten up. Because that’s how we were taught in SERE training. Survival, Evasion, Resistance…and eventually Escape.

They never dragged me out. That’s what Hades want. To see me break. Making me see my teammates suffer because of me. I’d have to admit, it did get to me. Whenever one of them are gone, there’s this incomprehensible fear in me, it feels like I’ve been punched in the gut when I see them return, less and less alike themselves. I have no face and confidence to look them in the eyes anymore. They keep telling me that it’s fine. But it’s different. It’s _never_ fine.

**2018 January 13**

_**Day 19** _

_**Jo Yeong’s POV** _

_Royal Corean Navy, Unit 56, ID number 91910, Lieutenant Commander Jo Yeong...Royal Corean Navy, Unit 56, ID number 91910, Lieutenant Commander Jo Yeong...Royal Corean----_

Even though we’ve been doing great in keeping ourselves sane, all the torturing has taken a huge toll on our physicality. Paired with malnutrition and the cold, we’re getting wasted slowly. There wasn’t much new information to learn about this ‘chamber’ and Cheol was never really close enough to snatch anything off the guards.

Hades got frustrated, unable to get anything from my team, so eventually he found his way back to me. I’d rather take 1000 bullets for Pyeha than to go through this torturing again. But it’s all worth it. My team won’t get beaten up while he’s busy with me. I deserve to take on all their suffering. I would even die than to let this monster have his hands on the plutonium. The world’s safety depended on me to keep my mouth shut. So I will keep my mouth shut. No matter how much everything hurt. No matter how much I preferred to be dead.

One thing I learned from my father was to never escape my responsibilities. Maybe that’s why he chose his life as a soldier over his family. I hate to admit it, but now, I really do empathise with him. It’s strange, I see him in my dreams sometimes, telling me to ‘ _hold on_ ’. What irony...I don’t know anymore.

3 days.

They took me for 3 days.

He’d probably tried every torture method in the textbook. Beaten up until I passed out, only to be water boarded when I woke. My lungs drowning as I gasp for air. I sometimes wonder how I am still able to stay conscious, I’ve been without food for 72 hours. My healing wound still stings, paired with the soreness of my muscles from being in the same position for too long, my skin cut by the roughness of ropes used to tie me down...ah...And then they would ask you the same question...and I would repeat the same answer...spending every ounce of effort to make a sound from my voice box...

Everything hurts.

Cold.

I want to go home.

Eomma.

Abeoji.

The Royal guards.

Gon hyung.

I’m still alive...Don’t forget me...

-TBC-


	6. Chapter 6

**"There are numerous ways in which God can make us lonely and lead us back to ourselves. This is the way he dealt with me at the time. It was like a bad dream." -Hermann Hesse, Demian**

* * *

**2018 January 14**

_**Day 20** _

**Jo Yeong’s POV**

They took my wasted body back to the cell, the same route every time. Even in a delirious state, my eyes were darting everywhere, and this time, I actually saw something. People transporting wooden crates labelled ‘C4 explosives’, ‘Frag grenades’ and all sorts of ammunitions; 9MM 7.62MM 5.56MM .44 Rounds…they walked off to the right ride whilst I was made to turn left. That _is_ something for sure.

They dumped me back into the cell, my teammates circling up on me almost immediately, I could just about make out their terrified faces, Kang-Min didn’t even know were to start assessing my injuries.

Tae-Joo pulled me into a tight hug, a bit too tight for my bruised ribs, forcing me to hold back a grunt, “-Shit Yeong, we thought you were dead!”

I let out at shaky breath and pulled apart from the contact, “What day is it today?”

People looked at me confused, Cheol cleared his throat after a moments silence, “It’s been 20 days since capture….that makes it January 14th?”

With that, I did a little calculation in my head, “It was a Monday on Christmas, that makes today a Sunday…”

“Why are you asking this?”, Gwang-Yeol hyung asked

I couldn’t answer his question just yet. I had to get it clear for myself first. Despite the aches all over my body, I pushed myself up and made my way to the vent on the wall, tip-toeing to get a ground level view of the outside. They weren’t wrong about it being a desert outside, and as I expected there were 3 black range rovers parked outside, some people still offloading the wooden crates from the trunk. There was no way to grasp what time it is exactly but judging from their offload progress, it hasn’t been long since they arrived, and the sky is just starting to light up, as it’s not exactly spring yet, it means that the time should be around 7-7:30 am.

“Yeong?”, Gwang-Yeol hyung called me out of my thoughts, I turned and leaned against the wall, facing the confused crowd and slid back down onto the cold cement.

I’ve seen the cars many times, the last time was the day before they took me…January 10th, Wednesday…and before that, January 7th, Sunday…“Have any of you been counting when the cars appeared?”

Cheol scratched his head, “Including today, it has been the sixth time they appeared since our capture. They always leave within 2 hours.”,

“Then do you remember when they appeared before I came to?”

“You woke up first on the 28th, I remember they came the day before that, so the 27th?”, That’s a Wednesday

“And then they came again on the 31st and on the 3rd…Sunday and Wednesday…”, I looked at my teammates expectantly, “Do you guys know what I’m suggesting?”

“That the range rovers will come every week on Wednesday and Sunday?”, Kang-Min stated

Tae-Joo sighed, “So what?”

“Every Wednesday and Sunday, Hades’ men will transport crates of firearms into this place. On my way back just now, I saw where they were headed with it.

“This is a major leverage for escape”, Gwang-Yeol hyung concludes my explanation…thankfully someone has my back.

“Then what’s the plan?”

“The cars are our getaway vehicle. Before that, we must get rid of the guards and of course Hades himself. I saw C4 explosives in one of the crates they were transporting, we could blow this place up.” I paused at another thought, “But we won’t know when is the next time they’ll take one of us again so it’s a matter of waiting and luck.”, In short, we have to hope that on the day, they won’t be torturing any of us.

“The next opportunities this month are the 17th, 21st, 24th, 28th and 31st.”, Cheol informed

“If all conditions are met, we shall split into two teams. Yeong, take Cheol with you to where they store the explosives and set them up whilst Kang-Min, Tae-Joo and I make sure the wind is clear.”, Gwang-Yeol hyung ordered

We discussed about what we would do for another hour or so, making sure we kept the volume down…for obvious reasons. I’m surprised that we weren’t bothered by the guards since they brought me back, the range rovers left after staying the expected length of time…and amongst the men who entered the cars was Hades. _Why was he leaving?_

I’m left to my own thoughts again as the team takes the opportunity to rest and maintain good physical condition. Pain from what’s probably bruised or cracked ribs and a heavily disturbed gunshot wound makes breathing seem like a big effort, my face hurts too…if that makes sense…I laugh at my situation internally, disbelief. We could easily take out the guards that come in, holding their rifles like some amateurs. But we are easily outnumbered and there’s no plan on what to do afterwards. Unlike now, the base of our escape plan is constructed, we just have to wait for the window of opportunity to open…now, before tha—

“Ow!”, I retreated my hand away instinctively from Kang-Min’s grip, since when did he get a hold onto it in the first place? Whatever he just did really hurts, however it has simmered down to a bearable pain. I took a look and my index and middle finger had turned into a strange colour, like they’re bruised, followed by a fair amount of swelling. How have I not realised?

Kang-Min pulled the hand in question away from my cradle and studied it more carefully, “They’re broken”, he stated simply and produced a roll of bandage from his pocket and started wrapping a makeshift splint. Thank god he scored the highest in field medicine or else I would’ve died of sepsis without proper care on my ‘more serious’ wounds.

“Try not to move them”, he finished off with a knot which sent another wave of pain through my broken fingers. Somehow I feel like he did it on purpose.

“Ow! Lightly!”

He didn’t even flinch at my reaction, his expression was serious, “Yeong”

“Hmm?”

“Remember how you still owe me a wish?”

I nodded

“If something happens to us, promise me you won’t blame yourself for everything.”

“Kang-Min that’s—“

“No declining. That’s what I want.“, his tone was adamant.

Reluctantly I agreed, Kang-Min let out a small smile before leaving me alone again. My teammates wouldn’t be suffering if it wasn’t because of me in the first place. It seems that my identity as captain of the royal guards has put Charlie team in a jeopardising position. It’s never desirable to have someone so ‘well-known’ to the public be a part of the special forces. It contradicts the whole point of being anonymous and secretive. What was I even thinking? To think that I can still fight alongside my team…I just made it harder for them to protect our country. _Gon’s_ country. So tell me, how can I not blame myself?

**2018 January 23**

_**Day 29** _

Charlie team missed the last two chances, the next one is set for tomorrow. And as each day passes by Jo Yeong became more anxious and unsettled. This took him by surprise too, these feelings were apparently too strong for him to conceal. The torture inflicted upon his teammates (and himself) were getting more severe as Hades becomes less patient. Yeong noticed how after he returned from leaving last time, the American seemed more restless to know the whereabouts of the radioactive element.

Much to everyone’s disappointment, Yeong was the one to be taken away today. He figured that they’re trying something new today as the route was different, he kept a mental note of the directions until they reached what seemed like another cell. The guards shoved him in and shut the metal door in his face. Little did he know that it was the last time he would see light in God knows how many days.

It was then that Yeong realised what this was. Solitary confinement. Extreme isolation. A punishment given to prisoners, or in other words, a prison within a prison. It’s somewhere that someone could lose their mind.

Yeong sat down, leaning against the wall and closing his eyes. Or was he closing it? He couldn’t tell. It was only him, the surrounding walls and the sound of his breathing. Silence never seemed so loud, though it was all in his head. He wasn’t going to allow it to get to him, No.

_But it was just so hard._

There was no time in this dark void. No day or night. No one to talk to. He feels every single thing and yet he doesn’t. The cruelness of sensory deprivation struck him precisely where it’s meant to hurt, he wasn’t sure whether he could continue blocking it out…but it just seemed so luring, to simply let go of the rope and fall into the bottomless pit. He was just so tired of battling this psychological warfare.

And so he did. He cut the rope and fell into another dimension.

There he saw the people he missed. _Eomma, Abeoji, Gon, Royal guards, Lady Noh_ …even his team. He found himself on a beach, similar to the one next to the palace, they were all before him, smiling and having fun like they’re on a picnic. He didn’t even register that he was smiling with them too. _Is this insanity_? His brain creating hallucinations to accompany his loneliness. A space where he could still feel human. Or was this the way in which his mind protects him from reality, one that he much rather disappear from.

“Yeongie”

He knew this voice better than his own. The voice he’d been listening to since he was four. Accompanied by an endearment that only he would use to address Yeong.

Yeong turned to his left, slightly taken aback by the king’s presence, “Pyeha what are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.”

Gon raised a brow, “Then what are you doing here, Yeongie?”

Yeong thought for a moment, then looked down in defeat, “I don’t know

He heard a sigh coming from Gon, “I guess there are times when even the unbreakable sword becomes hopeless”

Yeong wanted to say something about that but thinking of the position he’s in now, Gon wasn’t wrong. He _is_ hopeless. Hope itself is an over ambitious word. Death never seemed so welcoming, taking the knowledge of CI-328 with him to the grave would be a favour for everyone.

“I know you’re scared”

“I’m not _scared_ ”

“Then why are you seeing me?”

“Wait—Wha—you’re not real.”, Yeong gasped in realisation whist he scanned the noble figure next to him

“Of course I’m not”, ‘Gon’ stated matter of factly, “And if you wanted to die, you would’ve done it ages ago. There were plenty of opportunities for a skilled person like you to do that prior to all…this.”

Yeong chuckled in disbelief, “I’ve gone crazy haven’t I?"

“Precisely, you’re experiencing extreme psychological effects from an extended period of solitary confinement. You know, like, hallucinating, psychosis, anxiety and suicidal thoughts”

Yeong was astonished by how ‘Gon’ the guy next to him was, “Why do you speak like him even if you’re not exactly him”

“I’m a projection of your thoughts.”, ‘Gon’ pointed at himself, “A product of your perception of him, including the way he speaks, moves, looks…and so on”

“Then why is it you that I see?”

‘Gon’ shrugged, “That’s for you to figure out.”

“…I told him that I’ll be back”, Yeong sucked in a lungful of air,”my parents—th-they must be so fucking devastated”, the emotions he kept behind shut gates just poured out of him, shaking as he hugged his knees tighter to his chest. ‘Gon’ patted his shoulder lightly, he hated how it felt so real but yet he longed for the comforting touch. They stayed like that until the tears drained out, ‘Gon’ stood up from his spot, backside facing Yeong.

“I have to go now”

Yeong stood up immediately at the announcement, “Wait—stay!”

“Go back Yeong, your people need you.”

White light bathed the cell causing Yeong to squeeze his eyes shut, and when they opened again, he was back to darkness, not even knowing when he laid down on the floor, the unpleasant odour of dampness and mould filled his nostrils, the dull aches on his body makes him feel sluggish. Yeong stayed in this position, dazed. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but he knew for sure that it must’ve been days. Although he was lost in his hallucinations for the majority of it, the sudden shift back to reality gave him a headache.

He thought about the last conversation. _What was that?_ His subconscious in the form of Gon? Yeong ran his fingers through his hair, he didn’t realise that a part of himself is refusing to give up…maybe his ’subconscious’ is the one on the other end of the rope, holding on unyieldingly until Yeong decided to detach himself.

**2018 January 28**

_**Day 34** _

When they finally took Yeong out of the hell hole, it wasn’t instant relief. Instead, it was another interrogation. Currently tied to the all too familiar torture chair, it started to feel comfortable through time- minus all the beatings -Yeong shuddered at that strange thought.

Hades’ voice broke through the veil, “Do you know how much money is at stake here captain?

Yeong glared spitting out blood to the side, “Do you think…that I give a shit?“

“Clearly not enough”, Hades let out a frustrating sigh, “3 billion USD. Do you understand the significance of that?”

“Destroying lives just for stupid fucking money.”

Yeong watched as the man paced, “Now that’s a misconception. I only do the dealing, whatever my customer does with the product is not my business nor my doing.”, the arms dealer then stopped before Yeong, leaning in so that their faces were inches apart, “Look _captain,_ I don’t have much time to fuck around anymore. The deal is in three days. Afterwards, you and your team will have no value to me. I think it’s best to think about what that means.”

Yeong didn’t say anything. Hades’ made his way to the exit, saying something to the guy who had been torturing him. Yeong couldn’t catch any of it, his senses were still blurred from being in prolonged darkness. He now learned that he had been isolated for five days, his team must think that he’s dead for sure. Then Hades left and the torture guy returned to his side, he had an unreadable expression, Yeong hated to admit that he was actually afraid of what’s coming next…he was just so exhausted from fear.

“Don’t worry, you’re not gonna die yet. But I’ll make sure the next three days are hell for you.”, The sadist said as he went about to pick out his next torture tool. Yeong thought about how much more ‘hell’ could there be than being swallowed by anxiety and guilt and being captured for more than a month. He’d rather die than to live another day like this.

The man moved back into Yeong’s line of sight, a baseball bat in one hand. _Great_. “Lets get it over with then”, Yeong muttered.

A strike.

The sound of bone snapping upon impact with aluminium echoed in the room. Then it was pure agony, dancing stars in his vision. Like someone had just sawed off his left leg. Yeong’s scream made his throat hurt, tears fell involuntarily, his body trembling in shock as it gets overwhelmed by the intensifying pain. Every single nerve ending signalled pain. Yeong didn’t know what more was there to describe his current suffering.

Pain. Pain. Pain.

* * *

“Shit-oh my gosh—Yeong!”, Tae-Joo’s exclamation caused Yeong to open his eyes again. _Wait, again?_

Yeong figures he must’ve passed out for a few minutes, because now he sees his team hovering around him once again. The ache from the recent break makes him even more uncomfortable as each second passes.

Yeong blinked lifting his head up from the ground, touching Cheol’s face as it’s the closest one to him, ”You guys are real right?”

“Yea of course, what are you talking about?”, Cheol confirms

Yeong sighed in relief and plopped his head back down, the pain was becoming unbearable, and his teammates don’t seem to know what was wrong, “It’s broken"

“What is?”, Kang-Min prodded

Yeong points at the source with a limp hand, sudden movements at the limb caused him to let out a painful groan.

“Guys carefully!”, Gwang-Yeol reminded his subordinates

“Yeong?”, Kang-Min called as his friend grew quiet again

“Is it bad?”, Yeong asked wearily

“I can set it for you, but you won’t be able to walk on it”

“Do it”, He looked at him with pleading eyes, “Please”

It took three men to hold him down while Kang-Min did the gruesome job. The suppressed grunts and screams was horror that no one could forget. One second of pain felt like a sudden release of years of accumulated agony. Eventually the lieutenant commander was tired out from the struggle. Cheol wiped away the beads of sweat on his forehead whilst the others tended to superficial wounds.

“This is really going to be the end of us isn’t it?”, Cheol sighed

Tae-Joo looked at him, “No Cheol”

Cheol pointed at Yeong’s resting body, “But look at Yeong hyung! He’s so....so broken already.”

Nobody said anything.

“He won’t give up.”, Gwang-Yeol broke the silence, “And so will we”

**Corea**

**2018 January 31**

_**Day 37** _

It was near midnight, sleep didn’t seem to find Gon so he decided to do some reading in the study. He couldn’t stop thinking about the raven that stopped outside his window earlier. If Yeong saw him like this, what would the younger man say?

A knock sounded and Ho-Pil bursted into the room, out of breath, “Pyeha there’s a call you must take, it’s from rear admiral Ahn.”

Gon straightened in his seat, “Put him through”

The speaker of the landline cracked to life, “Rear admiral Ahn, what is it?”

“Pyeha, the investigation team from Afghanistan has reported a drone footage of an explosion and gunfight 9 miles into the Registan Desert, which is next to where our people are stationed in Kandahar.”

“What does this mean?”

“Four men in what seems to be our Corean Royal Navy special forces uniform were captured leaving the property.”

Gon stopped breathing at the mention of the uniform, “I-Is it them?”

“We believe so Pyeha”

-TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**"When he died, all things soft and beautiful and bright would be buried with him." -Madeline Miller, The Song Of Achilles**

* * *

**2018 January 29**

**2406**

**_Day 35_ **

Jo Yeong jolted awake, instantly regretting the movements as a nauseating wave of pain travelled down his broken leg. By the looks of it, it seemed to be nighttime and his teammates were asleep. Despite the pulsing headache and soreness, he scooted towards where Gwang-Yeol was and attempted to wake him up.

“Hyung wake up”, Yeong kept his volume low so that the others won’t be disturbed.

Gwang-Yeol stirred before cracking open his eyes, “Yeong? You felling okay?”

“I’m…fine. What day is it hyung?”, There was a hint of urgency in the lieutenant commander’s question, there wasn’t exactly much time left until Hades’ deal.

“…tomorrow will be January 29th”

Yeong sighed, that gives them a little less than three days.

“Hyung, he’s got a deal on the 31st, and will get rid of us if we don’t give up anything. We are escaping then no matter what”

The captain understood what Yeong meant and nodded silently, “Alright Yeong. We’ll be briefing the others tomorrow”

“Hyung”

“Hmm?”

Yeong looked down, hesitating for a moment, “I-I’m going to slow you guys down. Leave without me if you have to.”

Gwang-Yeol looked away, “Stop it.”

“Please. I put you guys here in the first place.”

“That’s nonsense”

“No I—“

“Lieutenant Commander Jo Yeong.”, Gwang-Yeol cut him off, raising his voice slightly

Yeong grew silent at the captain’s sudden use of military formality and serious, or annoyed?, tone. He shifted his gaze away from the other man’s, the moonlight providing just enough luminescence to reflect the glassy surface of their eyes.

“We are all going home. I will make sure of that”, Gwang-Yeol said with a softer manner

The second in command sighed in defeat, “Yes captain”

**2018 January 31**

_**Day 37** _

The men of Charlie team barely slept, they knew that the opportunity they had waited for so desperately is finally happening.

But something wasn’t right, they have been observing the sky from the vent as it turned from pitch black to light navy blue...the sound of car engines that they anticipated never came.

“Why aren’t the cars here yet?”, Cheol asked worriedly

Tae-Joo patted his shoulder, “If this is an anomaly, then we must deal with it. We’re not gonna die here just ‘cause our escape plan is fucked.”

“Kill or get killed.”, Kang-Min added

“Get ready to take out the guards when they come.”, Yeong ordered

“I was born ready”, Tae-Joo let out a wicked smile, “Wanted to get rid of that scarface since day one”

What seemed like an hour had passed and the sound of talking and footsteps approaching the entrance became audible, cueing for Kang-Min and Tae-Joo to take position behind the door. The guards didn’t even have time to figure out why two men were missing before their necks were snapped strategically from behind, instantly ending their lives.

Moving quickly with precision, Charlie team stripped the weapons off the guards. Two fully loaded and muzzled M4A1, a bayonet, a P92 pistol and 3 frag grenades. As discussed, Cheol and Yeong split off into group 1, heading for the storage whilst the others, group 2, were ‘sweepers’. Each team had an M4A1, Cheol took the bayonet whilst all other weapons were given to the other group.

With an arm around Cheol’s shoulder for support, Yeong navigated their way to the storage, taking out and looting 3 guards on the way. Yeong’s vision was swimming by the time they got there, Cheol practically dragged him along, a salty taste in his mouth made him realize that he was crying. Wiping away the wetness in his eyes hastily, Yeong tried to refocus although every controlled inhale and exhale hurt.

The lieutenant put him down on one side as he got to work with the explosive in the crates. Setting up circuits for bombs was something the youngster was, and still is, extremely good at. Yeong obtained a flare gun and swung two M416s over his shoulder.

On the other side, more guards were coming in, sensing something wrong as their colleagues became unresponsive. Group 2’s fire power is reducing significantly as they take out waves upon waves of guards. They don’t even know where they came from, and how big exactly is this ‘chamber’, but there was no time to explore, all they knew was that the way out must the opposite way of where they were dragged to be tortured.

“There’s no sign of Hades”, Tae-Joo huffed as he emerges from the interrogation room

“We can’t take on anymore guards, this place has to blow soon", Kang-Min stated in concern

After moment’s consideration, Gwang-Yeol gave the order, “We head to the meeting point now.”

* * *

The atmosphere outside felt refreshing as ever. The crisp air felt so clean as if it could cure all his aches by breathing in a lungful. Oh, and the warmth of the sun on his skin.The breeze and light. Yeong didn’t even know he’d miss such things, does he still know the outside world? Cheol and him just made it to the meeting point- outside -and as expected, all the guards were distracted by the commotion in the chamber, vacating their posts. Even if he were to die today, to make it this far didn’t seem half as bad.

Group 1 emerged after what seemed like an eternity, although they looked even more rough from the fighting.

“Cheol, is it ready?”, Gwang-Yeol asked out of breath

Cheol nodded, displaying the switch in his hand, “All set”

“And Yeong? you okay?”

“Yeah…I’m fine”

The sound of guards yelling snapped them out of their small talk, Kang-Min and Tae-Joo helped Yeong up, “Did you get Hades?”

“We’ll talk about that later”, Kang-Min dismissed him quickly

When Charlie team moved to a safe distance, Cheol flipped the switch. The half underground chamber was engulfed in flames instantly following a deafening explosion. Other bombs and firearms in the storage added to the blast, the force was no joke, blowing the men off their feet.

Yeong felt the vibrations as they travelled from the ground to where his body had contact. He could smell the burning, the smoke and dust made him cough. As they recovered from the blast and got up to their feet- Gwang-Yeol supporting Yeong -they watched as the facility burned in its rubbles. The place that was hell for them in the past month.

Cheol pointed into the distance, “The cars always approached from that side, I guess that’s the way to civilization.”

Gwang-Yeol turned to Yeong with a ‘I told you it’ll work’ look, “Let’s go home”

The lieutenant commander could only smile and nod silently in response.

The team had just turned their heels to walk, not long after, the faint sound of a car approaching from behind caught Yeong’s attention. Turning around, the reflection of the sun on the sleek black metal entered the corner of his sight. Then it happened so fast. Like last time. Yeong scolded himself internally for not being quick enough this time round. Now that he came to think about it, escaping was too easy.

A bullet knocked the breath out of Yeong, the pain from the impact bloomed in his shoulder. Then another one. Terribly close to where he got shot last time. _Or was it?_ He didn’t know anymore. He felt himself falling, anticipating to be met with sand and rocks. But this time somebody caught him. And they fell together as more shots were fired. The hold was so strong that he felt every single jerk and jolt as the person took the bullets that were meant for him. Then there were sounds of returning fire and some explosions, probably by Kang-Min, Tae-Joo and Cheol. Whoever just shot them was dead. They’d make sure of it.

Yeong didn’t know how to comprehend all this, his ears were ringing, he probably wasn’t breathing. He knew that the person now on top of him was Gwang-Yeol. The other team members separated the Captain and Lieutenant Commander, Yeong’s vision focused on Tae-Joo’s worried expression as his friend looked over him. Maybe it’s the adrenaline, the pain is slowly turning into a numbing sensation. Then came Tae-Joo’s pressure on the wound, forcing a grunt out of his mouth.

“—Shit-you’re bleeding too fast”

Yeong blinked in sudden realization, his heart began to race, trying to get up against Tae-Joo’s hold, “No-G-Gwang-Yeol hyung”

“Stop—Yeong please—“, the other Lieutenant Commander plead through gritted teeth.

He looked to the side, seeing Kang-Min and Cheol kneeling solemnly by the captain’s body. Their heads were hung low, he could hear the silent sobs from Cheol. _No, no, no, no._

Yeong finally escapes from Tae-Joo’s grip and crawled to Gwang-Yeol, squeezing through between his two teammates. There was so much blood pooled beneath him. Yeong’s gaze moved to the captains face, he was still alive...but not for long. Life was draining from the man by the second. _This can’t be it._

“Kang-Min do something for him—anything—please—do something-help him!”, Yeong was choking on his words as the uncontrollable tears fell. But he knew better. That this was it.

Kang-Min shook his head slowly and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. It felt so heavy. Helplessness. Disappointment. Shame.

“Yeong Ah...”, Gwang-Yeol managed to croak out, “take the others and go”

“No-no hyung! Don’t!”

“Yeong, you know I trust you right?....M-My second in command.”

Yeong tightened his grip on the captain’s uniform, shaking his head, “No hyung—no—I-I refuse”

Gwang-Yeol lifted his hand weakly and brushed his thumb lightly over a tear on Yeong’s cheek, leaving behind a trace of red, “You’re always so stubborn”

Yeong held onto the hand, “Don’t go hyung! You said—Y-you said we’d go home together—-you said-”, His words became more jumbled as the emotions took over, there was so much he wanted to say, but so little time.

“t-tell Yoo-Mi that I’m sorry and Ji-Ah that appa will always love her no matter what”, the voice was becoming more quiet and weak

“Hyung—No-I won’t do that—hyung!”, he was crying even harder now

“Go Yeong ah...don’t make me make that..an order.”

Gwang-Yeol looked at the rest of the team, watching silently, he was growing tired. The look in his eyes explained everything he wanted to say, a silent plea for them to live. To fight. To never give up. Even if it meant going on without him. He mocked himself over the irony, telling Yeong back then that they’d never leave anyone behind. And now, he’s asking the younger man for the same thing.

His team, his family. They were like children to him, he watched them grow up and mature. Kim Gwang-Yeol was proud of his boys, they gave him more than what he asked for, he just wished that he had more time with them. Maybe that’s a little selfish of him. Would the pain be less if he spent less time with them? He never saw Yeong so upset, well, he’s literally dying before him. But he hoped that this would only be temporary. He knew how Jo Yeong worked, he solved the enigma straight away after seeing the stoic expression break into laughter or sorrow for the first time. Even at this moment, he was worried that this idiot would blame himself for everything.

The cloudless sky.

And the blinding light.

Surrounded by family.

_What a nice day_.

Then he closed his eyes forever.

* * *

Cheol confirmed that the person shooting at them was Hades. At last, the mission is complete. Though no one anticipated that it would end this way. The remaining four each had their own moment with their Captain. Gone before them. It was fate’s fault. God’s fault. _Or my fault._

“Come on let’s go”, Kang-Min patted Yeong’s shoulder. It’s been 30 minutes and the Lieutenant Commander didn’t move an inch from the body.

“No...”

“Yeong please...if we don’t get help soon, you’re gonna bleed out”

Yeong blinked away the tiredness, “No-I’m not leaving him”

“Hyung don’t do this”, Cheol begged

Tae-Joo huffed in annoyance, making heads turn, “Alright, that’s it Jo Yeong. As a friend and teammate, I don’t want you to die, so I’m doing this for me”, he then gave Kang-Min a look, “Give me a hand"

The lieutenant commander struggled against his teammates’ grip, as he is half dragged and half carried away from Gwang-Yeol, the lone figure seemed smaller and smaller as the distance between them increased.

He put on a considerably good fight against his teammates, but his condition was far from theirs, he is bleeding from two holes after all. Tired out soon after, they walked silently in the desert, with Yeong on Kang-Min’s back. They let the tears run down their filthy cheeks leaving a behind clear trail as the drop carries the dust and ashes. They made it out. But lost so much.

“I’m cold”, Yeong muttered by Kang-Min’s ear

“Don’t sleep”

“I’m sorry…I’m so, so sorry”

“If you are, don’t sleep”

“...I’m sorry...”

Kang-Min felt the weight on his back become heavier, “Yeong?”, his question was filled with concern, it lingered in the air, no answer was heard.

“Tae-Joo help me check if he’s got a pulse”

Tae-Joo walked over, eyes widening at the amount of blood that soaked through Kang-Min’s uniform, leaking from the man on his back. Yeong was too pale, and unconscious. The bleeding didn’t stop despite their first aid efforts. Throwing a grenade at the car now seemed like a terrible idea. _This is bad._

“There’s a weak pulse. Breathing is shallow.”

Frustration and worry drowned their hearts. _Was this really the end? Had Yeong used up all his luck?_

“Keep on walking”, Kang-Min said after adjusting the weight on his back. If there is a chance, he’ll take it.

A moment later, they picked up a signal on the walkie talkie, although most things that came through the static sound were unintelligible. But it meant that they were closer to civilisation. Even better, the sound of helicopter rotor found its way closer and closer to the men. For the first time, they felt hopeful. To see the black hawk. Cheol used the flare gun to help pinpoint their location.

Everything was a blur afterwards, they were met with the familiar faces of Delta team, Cheol didn’t know it would bring such joy to see Adam Kane again. The men still conscious were on the brink of passing out from exhaustion. Yeong, on the other hand, was tended to immediately. Kang-Min filling in the medics about his condition whilst they checked over him.

“Apart from the obvious, he’s got multiple cracked ribs, two broken fingers on the right hand, fracture in the left leg—and, and an infected gunshot wound.”, Kang-Min swallowed and continued, “He’s been bleeding for almost 50 minutes, blood type A, He’s probably gone into shock...T-That’s all I know—please..please save him...”

The medic looked at him reassuringly, “Lieutenant Commander Yoon, Thank you. We’ve got him from here.”

Upon touchdown on the base hospital, Yeong was wheeled away immediately, as much as the others wanted to follow after him, they were taken over by another team of doctors and nurses. The severity of their Injuries were incomparable to those of Yeong’s, who is now in surgery, and Gwang-Yeol...who is gone forever. The three had to do the difficult task of informing what happened in the past month and why their captain is not with them anymore.

“When can we go back to Corea?”, Kang-Min asked the investigations officer

“Once Lieutenant Commander Jo’s condition is deemed stable enough, a transport aircraft will be arranged to take you guys back”

“Any news on him?”, Tae-Joo asked

“Not yet, still in surgery”

The trio learned that their belongings were taken back by rear admiral Ahn, so they borrowed a phone off the officer. Taking turns to call their families, though being alive it’s a thing that they should celebrate, many tears were shedded during the miracle call. All the pain, worry, loss, separation are gone when they hear the voices of their loved ones again. This time returning home would not be an empty promise.

**Corea**

**2018 January 31**

**2305**

Gon waited eagerly at his desk for updates after ending his call with rear admiral Ahn. He picked up the phone on the first ring.

“Rear Admiral Ahn, tell me everything”

“Pyeha, four members of Charlie team have been rescued in the Registan Desert. Unfortunately Captain Kim Gwang-Yeol has died in action during their escape, the rescued members have been sent to the base hospital for medical attention.

“...What are their conditions?”

“Lieutenant Commander Jo Yeong is in surgery, the specifics of his condition have not been revealed to us yet. The others sustained injuries that do not require surgical intervention.”

_Of course it’d be Yeong_. Gon’s heart ached at the mention of his unbreakable sword getting hurt, “Keep me updated with Jo Yeong’s condition.”

“Yes Pyeha”

“And Rear admiral Ahn”

“Yes Pyeha?”

“Thank you.

“…Thank you for not giving up Pyeha”

**Army Base Hospital, Afghanistan**

**2018 January 31**

**1812**

**Yoon Kang-Min’s POV**

The painkillers the doctors gave us worked wonders for our bruised ribs and stitched knife slashes from the torture. The soft mattress of the bed felt like heaven. After a much needed shower and changed into fresh uniform, Tae-Joo, Cheol and I headed over to Yeong’s room, he just returned from surgery. They said he wouldn’t wake anytime soon, but reassured that he’s not in a critical state, he just needed more sleep to allow his body to rest from all the trauma.

To be honest, all of us are still in shock, what happened to Gwang-Yeol...it was a sacrifice that none of us could’ve anticipated, and I know Yeong would take it hard on himself. And that’s the last thing I need for him to do to himself after going through all this crap. In addition to malnutrition, there’s 4 fractured ribs, a broken fibula, 2 broken fingers, three gunshot wounds- one that is infected, and bruises littered over his once flawless skin.

Why does the world have to be so cruel?

“Kang-Min hyung is Yeong hyung really going to be okay?”

I looked at the sleeping figure on the bed, barely alive with the help of machines and IVs,“Yes Cheol”

The younger man held onto his commander’s hand, “I miss Gwang-Yeol hyung...I don’t want to lose Yeong hyung too”

“We won’t let that happen. For Gwang-Yeol hyung.”

The three of us sat by Yeong for a long time. Tae-Joo occasionally distracted by curiosity over the tubes and wires. But it was mostly silence. The sound of his breathing intensified by the oxygen mask, our’s matching his dominant pace. If the second bullet was three inches higher, he wouldn’t be breathing on his own. Or if the first bullet was two inches lower, he would’ve bled out in seconds through his heart. With the same logic, if we never went on this mission, we’d all be okay.

Many thoughts ran through my mind during captivity, though the most prominent one is: What’s happened already happened. All you can do is to accept the reality and move on.

And for someone. It will be the hardest task.

Today, someone walked away from our lives forever. And someone lost a part of himself.

The screams and cries carried away by the unforgiving wind.

In that morning, when the sky was clear, and the sunlight was blinding.

-TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**"The worst part of holding memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it." -Lois Lowry**

* * *

**2018 February 2**

**0613**

_**Yoon Kang-Min’s POV** _

Yeong woke up yesterday, for about a minute, he probably wasn’t with us consciously but that was enough to green light our transport home. Despite our eagerness for him to wake, we opted for them to sedate him for the ride, it would be disaster if the world’s worst patient starts going haywire 35000 feet above ground.

Silence followed everywhere we went, nobody mentioned a word of what happened. Not even between us. The silence is comforting, a calm that we search for desperately in the midst of all the emotions. They recovered Gwang-Yeol hyung’s body, now he rests properly. A life. Everything. Sealed up in a wooden box. Draped over with his country’s flag, honouring his work for the country. Will this be me one day?

The coffin placed idly in the middle of the aircraft. The fabric of the flag feels smooth beneath my palm. It’s as if we could still sense his presence, a strong sense of familiarity and longing pulls us towards the object, we can’t take our eyes off the black and white, red and blue. It’s almost calming to look at it, though it is often followed by the sadness of reality. Beneath the 2 inch thick oak lies the body of a man who has overseen our growth, he was our captain, mentor, friend…our _hyung_.

The morning of Corea is still cold and the sky is depressingly grey.

Many navy officials were waiting on the tarmac at Busan military airport. Rows and rows of them, here to see the ‘miracle’ team return. It is quite an achievement. But no matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t find joy in it. We proceeded with the send-off procedure, finishing with the saluting and loading of the coffin into the hearse.

That’s the last of Captain Kim Gwang-Yeol... _Goodbye, hyung._

Yeong was transported to the hospital whilst we headed to the naval base, going to our family waiting to be reunited with us. But not everyone. A woman is now a widow and a young girl is now fatherless.

_All kept in that small wooden box._

**Military Hospital**

**0830**

Gon departed for the hospital immediately after hearing about Charlie team’s arrival, he dashed out of his meeting with prime minister Koo, not even caring about other duties he had to tend to. He needed to see Jo Yeong, it wouldn’t be real if he doesn’t see the man with his own eyes.

Going to the hospital only took 20 minutes, but for Gon, each minute was a century. He tried to calm down by looking out the window, trying to focus on things they passed by, but that just made him more anxious. _What would Yeong look like? How serious is his condition? Is he getting the best treatment? Breathe, Gon, breathe._

He was glad that it was a military hospital located in a training base, so he didn’t have to worry about people seeing him and his face wouldn’t be on all the tablets in the next 10 minutes. He just wanted to get to where Yeong was, the world didn’t matter to him. He tried his best to take deep breaths while being escorted to the room, he couldn’t hear what the doctor was saying to him, he just walked, every step with purpose. Closer and closer to the person he had mourned for.

Someone had _died_. Yeong could’ve died too. Gon couldn’t imagine the younger man dying twice.

He entered alone. Walking to where the bed was cautiously, the emotions brewing in him as he gets a closer look at Yeong. _Jo Yeong_. His best friend. His guard. Finally here before him.

Jo Yeong was almost unrecognisable. 54 days, not once did Gon forget his appearance when the Lieutenant Commander walked out of his bedroom that morning. Yeong’s hair was at a length that himself would never allow, bruises and cuts were all over his face, some new and some healing. Gon didn’t dare to think about what’s hidden beneath the hospital gown. He looked so thin and malnourished, Gon couldn’t help but notice the heavily casted leg and all the tubes and wires. _It must’ve been so painful for you Yeong ah._

Gon sucked in a shaky breath and blinked away the tears, “What’s all this…you said…you said that you were fine. You promised not to get hurt.”

**2018 February 5**

**0045**

_**Jo Yeong’s POV** _

Leaning against the filthy walls, dimmed lights and a gut wrenching smell in the humid air. I close my eyes and stifle a groan, I hate this place to the core of my bones. A pulsing ache travels along my injured leg, the open cuts on my face elicit a slight sting and the state of filth I’m in makes me even more uncomfortable by the second. I study the emptied chamber, no one’s around. Wait. Gwang-Yeol hyung, Tae-Joo, Kang-Min and Cheol. They’re supposed to be with me!

Panic starts to rise in me, this wasn’t how it’s supposed to be...the other four were with me the whole time when...when...we took escaped...and...and Gwang-Yeol hyung...I shake off the bitter thought, maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t true, it didn’t happen. It was just a hallucination. I’m still in solitary confinement. Gwang-Yeol hyung is alive. Yes. He has to be. I just have to get to him. He—

“Yeong!”, A call for my name sounded in the distance, the voice bouncing off the walls of the tunnel and echoing. It’s Gwang-Yeol hyung!

I gather myself and start making my way towards the source of the voice, leaning against the wall as support and half running, using as much speed and movement my leg would allow. Unfathomable pain makes its presence known, my vision becoming blurry from the tears. “Hyung! Hyung! Where are you!?”, I called desperately, my voice shaking with fear. I’m not losing him this time. No.

Then I saw him. When I turned a corner. There he was. Beaten up and bloody. Behind him stood Hades, the end of his gun at the back of my captain’s head. I froze. Not knowing what to do. Even if this was one of my mind games, I didn’t want to lose.

“H-Hyung...”

“Yeong ah, save me....”, he sounded so helpless, so much pain, so much agony...I let go of the support from the wall and try to limp my way towards him, an ugly groan escapes from my mouth. But he seems further away every step I take. I reach out my hand trying to get to him somehow, wanting to feel closer to him. But he’s just so far. Too far to reach...and without control I start crying. This isn’t the time to cry Jo Yeong! But the tears flow like an open dam…“H-Hyung! I-I can’t get to you!”, feeling useless and defeated as I collapse on the ground. Head hung low, unable to face him. Ashamed of my incapability. Jo Yeong do something.

Hades laughed mockingly, “What a useless subordinate you have here captain. Look, he can’t even save you. How pathetic!”

_Bang._

I look up at hyung’s body before me. An ugly hole at the center of his forehead. Evidence of what had just killed him. His eyes staring back at me. Hollow and filled with disappointment.

_Yeong, why didn’t you save me?_

**_Third Person POV_ **

It’s midnight, and Gon just nodded off for thirty minutes before his slumber was disrupted by Yeong’s mutters. The first time he’s heard his voice in 2 months, and the first since he saw him 3 days ago.

“H-hyung.....”

_Hyung_? Gon sat up from his seat, gripping onto Yeong’s hand. Is Yeong calling for him? The younger man’s sleeping face showed distress, eyebrows scrunching and head lulling side to side as he becomes increasingly restless.

“Yeong? Yeong-Ah wake up, it’s just a dream”, Gon called worriedly, now looming over the sleeping form and shaking Yeong’s shoulders in an attempt to pull him out of whatever nightmare he’s in.

But nothing worked, Yeong started moving more, the heart monitor’s rhythm is picking up pace at a dangerous speed. Gon questioned whether he should call someone if he couldn’t wake him up soon.

“H-hyung...Hyung!!”, the volume of Yeong’s mutters increased, the voice flooded with sadness, sending daggers at Gon’s heart.

“Don’t be like this Yeong-Ah...you’re not there anymore.”

Then Yeong jolted awake, sitting up suddenly, almost hitting Gon’s head in the process, making the king jump back in surprise. But that wasn’t the end of it. Yeong was crying and screaming, mostly unintelligible things. Gon watched in horror, he knew that the man before him wasn’t here with him.

“Hyung! Don’t—I’m sorry hyung!! I-I can’t—s-ave you!”, Yeong cried, reaching out his hand into the empty air before him, as if trying to get to something before him. But he couldn’t. Gon didn’t know what to do. _Save?_ He finally understood that the ‘hyung’ in Yeong’s mutters was referring to captain Kim Gwang-Yeol. He could only imagine what happened in the past 2 months or how much emotional pain Yeong must be in to blame himself for the death of the captain.

Gon sat on the bed and pulled Yeong into a comforting hug, being careful not to hurt him any more. Rubbing small circles on the younger’s back, trying to root him back to reality. He’s never seen Yeong so broken...fragile...scared.

“Shhh Yeong, Shhh...It’s okay now...It’s okay”, Gon whispered

Yeong tried to escape his embrace, pushing as hard as he can against Gon’s chest, “get off me—I’m gonna kill you motherfu—”

Gon wasn’t too surprised by Yeong’s swearing, because the Yeong before him isn’t the Yeong he knew. This made him want to hug him even closer, to give him comfort from all the evil that’s going on in his troubled mind.

Yeong’s attempt on escaping fails due to the lack of energy. So he cried even more, calling out _hyung_ and apologizing over and over again. As if that would bring Gwang-Yeol back to life...as if that would bring him some comfort and lessen his guilt. Gon could feel Yeong gripping onto the fabric of his shirt on his back for dear life. They stayed like this until the cries turned into small whimpers and Gon could feel Yeong starting to relax in his hold.

“I’m so s-sorry hyung...”, Yeong muttered shakily

Gon didnt know if he was saying this to him or the now gone captain Kim Gwang-Yeol. Gon’s only reply was his gentle shush, continuing to rub circles on Yeong’s back. When he felt that Yeong was stable enough, Gon laid him back down again, grabbing a tissue from the bedside table to wipe away the undried tears.

“Yeong Ah, are you back? Do you recognise me?”, Gon stopped and considered for a second, “...Do you know what happened?”

It was silence for a moment, Yeong’s eyes never leaving Gon’s gaze, they couldn’t tell who was staring into who, it’s like each was searching for something in the latter or was it just the necessary to confirm the reality of their…reunion. Nevertheless Yeong breathed and mustered out a quiet, “Pyeha”, his voice sounded hoarse and raspy.

Gon nodded his head and smiled, “Yeah, that’s right Yeong. How are you feeling? Is anywhere hurting?”

Yeong shook his head, “...Are you real?”

Gon tilted his head, “Yes?”

“Sorry”

“For what?”

“Just now. I shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t worry about it.”, Gon interjected,“I’m not here as your king.”

“Are you really real?”, Yeong frowned, maybe he’s in another dream, the Lee Gon before him looked rough, like he hasn’t slept properly for days, the complexity in his skin was gone and the man simply seemed drained. No, his king would never be like this.

“Yes, I am really real—What’s with these questions?”, Gon answered even more confused, should he be worried? His teammates did say that he was put in solitary confinement...not everybody walks out of it unscathed- mentally speaking. But some part of Gon wanted-no-trusted Yeong to be the exception.

Yeong stared for a few more seconds and replied with a small “Okay”, as if that had totally answered Gon’s questions but he didn’t push him any further. To have the younger here, awake and speaking is a freaking miracle for Lee Gon.

“What’s important is that you’re back”, Gon sniffed, not even knowing why he was getting emotional all of a sudden.

Still recovering from hell and battling a throbbing headache, Yeong suddenly remembered, “Tae-Joo, Kang-Min a-and Cheol?”, he asked anxiously as he scrambled to get up again, a sharp stabbing pain at his abdomen too strong for the painkillers to mask caused him to double over with a grunt, “-argh!”

Gon is up from his seat in seconds, trying to stop any further movements, “Stop moving, you’ll hurt yourself-“

“T-They’re supposed to be with me! I have to find them! I-“, the Lieutenant Commander starts to pick off the leads and wires on him, while Gon is literally having a nightmare to stop the fidgeting. The panic and fear he felt from the recent memory haunting the lieutenant commander again. He can’t fail this time, he can’t afford to.

“Jo Yeong stop!”, Gon grabbed Yeong’s shoulders, turning the latter to face himself. The raise in volume startled both of them but at least it helped with grabbing Yeong’s attention.

“Look at me. Breathe.”

Yeong hesitated but complied, his glassy eyes locked onto Gon’s and trying his best to calm his ragged breaths and copy Gon’s rhythm.

“They’re fine. They’re home.”, Gon reassured

“Home…”, Yeong repeats to himself. Still trying to believe that it’s real. That he and the team is actually back. The country he serves is right next to him. The air he breathes is of his homeland. His captain is now gone.

Studying Yeong’s expression Gon hesitated a little before asking, “What happened?”

“How much do you know?”

“Hades, how he managed to take your team and the escape. Your teammates said something about confidential information and that you’d be the right person to explain the ‘why’.”

Yeong thought for a moment, his brain still cloudy from the drugs, “CI-328. He wanted the location of the plutonium because apparently it belonged to him.”

“What we recovered from the mine?”

Yeong nodded

“The chances for escape was slim, we were waiting for the right time. Then there were unpredictable changes…We had to get out no matter the circumstances before his deal on the 31st because he’d kill us if I don’t tell him by then. ”

“I’m so sorry Yeong ah”, Gon breathed

Yeong narrowed his eyes in question, “why?”

“That you had to go through all of that. That you had to wait. That you had to lose what you lost.”

“You shouldn’t be the one apologising

“Still. You were only there as a soldier of my country. Thinking you were dead. I- I thought that was it. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that you’re not really dead, I could only do so much to look for you. The more I looked, the less evidence I found to prove my theory…My theory that you’re alive.”

Yeong swallowed, “I’m here aren’t I.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Pyeha”

“Hmm?”

“How long exactly...”

Gon sighed, “Believed dead for 37 days. And as of now, in the hospital for 5 days. They transferred you and your team from Afghanistan once everything was stable enough, heh, You slept a lot.”

Yeong smiled, “I feel like I’ve been asleep for a thousand years and yet I can close my eyes now and drift off immediately”, he then looked at Gon seriously, “Captain Kim…Did they send him off properly?”

Gon looked at Yeong, he couldn’t comprehend the meaning in his captain’s eyes, it was something more than just sorrow, a complicated mixture of guilt and self-blame, “Yes. He rests peacefully now, at home.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Yeong turned away, “No”

His response was quiet, but solid and adamant. Gon knew that especially with Yeong, trying to get him to open up about these things will be very, very difficult. But he couldn’t bear seeing him in pain from all the self-blame, Gon wanted to help, even if it meant waiting.

“What’s with this?”, Yeong said as he showed Gon his splinted fingers. _A distraction to move on from the previous topic_ , Gon thought, but he played along with it.

“Two broken fingers and a fractured wrist”, Gon eyed the Lieutenant Commander like a parent with the ‘explain yourself’ expression, “In case you weren’t counting, you have three gunshot wounds. One badly infected that you’re lucky you didn’t have severe sepsis. And how did you even escape with that leg?!”

Yeong didn’t realize the bandaged state of his leg until Gon mentioned it, his whole body was numb and reaction slowed from the painkillers. He hated this loopy feeling, but he had to admit that it was so nice to finally rest without any physical pain. Catching a glimpse of the white fibreglass that wrapped up to his thigh, the limb totally immobilized by the hard material and elevated by a pillow. Yeong closed his eyes in annoyance and sighed, there's no doubt that it'd be a long road to recovery.

The Lieutenant Commander listened to more of Gon’s lecture absentmindedly, he had missed this. Yeong didn’t reply to anything, he nodded silently in realisation as he took in the information, no other words left his mouth, he just stared into space, almost as if Gon wasn’t there. The king was slightly worried with the lack of response but he let it slide as he believe it’s because of the drugs.

“I find it hard to believe it’s real too”, Gon started, “I thought-we all thought you died, I cried and mourned, life without my Captain and best friend by my side was...horrible to say the least.”

Yeong felt sorry for Gon, he should’ve forgotten him and moved on, because of him, his king wasn’t able to be happy. And that’s all he ever wanted for this man plagued with many difficulties since early life. Though on the other hand, he was glad that someone- none other than the king he serves, someone that he’d risk his life for without hesitation- didn’t give up.

“—I couldn’t bring myself to read your letter.”, Gon produced the envelope from his inner pocket and placed it on the bedside table, “If I read it. You’d be gone for real.”

Yeong looked at the familiar envelope, Gon’s royal title in his handwriting blurred by what’s probably tears. He remembers what he wrote, now that he thinks about it, a piece of paper and words were merely enough to express his last words for a friendship that lasted 23 years. His job didn’t really give him the opportunity to look for ‘the one’ in his life, though he never thought about it anyway, which annoyed his mother at times. Despite the major difference in their social status, Gon was someone equivalent to family, like he said, he wouldn’t hesitate to give his life for him. Yeong felt guilty and selfish, to have to create such pain for the ones he cared for.

“I wasn’t going to die so easily”, Yeong said, forcing a reassuring smile. Out of all things he could’ve said, he chose to lie. A lie because he wanted to die back there; When he was in agony from torture. When he was alone in darkness. When he thought there was going to be no salvation. When Gwang-Yeol left him. He wanted to escape so many times and at some point he was so close to knocking on death’s door, but ‘fake Gon’ saved him. What’s left now is a leaking heart. And he decided that nobody has to know about this.

“I knew you wouldn’t. You’re the unbreakable sword after all”

**2018 February 6**

_**Third Person POV** _

He saw his teammates again yesterday, the guys almost squeezing the life out of him and maybe cracked more ribs in the midst of excitement and relief. Then there was an emotional reunion with his parents. Separately of course. His mother came to visit every day, staying until late at night, cooing over him as if he was a baby.

“Eomma I’m really fine, the wounds are healing nicely”, Yeong explained for the nth time to his worried mother, she always had so much to say when he got hurt let alone dying and then coming back barely alive.

She eyed him with a knowing gaze, the gaze that all mother’s have which stares straight into their child’s soul, to the truth, “You know that’s not what I meant, you can fool everyone but not me”

“I know…but I don’t think I’m ready to tell yet.”, She was right, but he didn’t want her to see the ugly side of the aftermath.

The night terrors started. He didn’t even know that such dreams could feel so real, it was like a punishment for him, everything wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t because of him. So he accepted it gracefully. _Because I deserve it._

It started off like normal nightmares. That was when he could still wake up. Then it slowly escalated to more extreme and vivid imageries, replaying the worst memories from Afghanistan. Memories came with feelings, and he felt the same hopelessness and dread, he’d wake up crying and screaming only to be met with the empty void in eternal darkness. Hence the ‘terror’. He was so afraid to tell anybody. Yes, he was afraid.

Because he couldn’t tell what was real.

**2018 February 9**

_**Third Person POV** _

Yeong would say that he’s fine, but of course, no one would be fine after all that.

He started seeing things. When he’s asleep and most problematically, when he’s conscious. This didn’t make sense, an abnormality, and Yeong recognised it immediately, but he kept it to himself. Afraid that if he said that he saw his dead captain, people would look at him differently, lock him up somewhere. Yeong thinks that it’s strange that he can still stay calm when something so seemingly creepy is happening.

Yeong knows that the Kim Gwang-Yeol he sees is not real, the captain shows up like a ghost and disappears into thin air as if he wasn’t there in the first place, Yeong thought it was just temporary, a side effect from the medications. But it wasn’t, he kept showing up, and seeing him only intensified the guilt.

“What are you looking at?”, it was his mother, she came to help with the discharge.

“N-nothing”, he looked over her shoulder again to find the ‘captain’ gone.

The woman stopped what she was doing and sat down next to him, brushing her fingers across the healing cuts and bruises on his face, “Yeong ah”

“Hmm?”

“Do you have to stay in the palace?”

Yeong led her hand into his own, “I’ll be fine Eomma, there are medical staffs in the palace, I can get help when I need. Also, you’ve been taking care of me all this time, you should rest.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“Really, I’ll be fine.”

“Talk to me when you have the nightmares again, okay?”

“How’d—“, Yeong was shocked, _how did she know?_ But then again, she knew things about him that he didn’t know himself, “Okay, I will.”

There would always be that one person you couldn’t hide from. For Jo Yeong, that’s Han Sun-Hee. The strongest person Yeong knows. She’s the one to save him when everything around him starts to collapse. And when the time comes, he will need her. Someone to fix the hole in his leaking heart which he had repeatedly tried to salvage with his own hands, but it’s just not enough. The blood keeps on escaping through the gaps.

Until then, this is his own fight.

* * *

_Pyeha,_

_If you’re reading this, it means that I am unable to keep my promise. I apologise beforehand for my incapability to fulfil this responsibility. In your words, I may deserve a beheading for this._

_You have grown up to become a great King, and you have people around you such as Court Lady Noh and Prince Buyong who care for you sincerely. Although I wouldn’t be around to protect you, please take care of yourself. Don’t complain and wear a bulletproof vest when you go to public events. And try not to sneak out without notice, I don’t think the royal guards would be as good when handling a missing king crisis without me_

_Please forgive me if I am nagging too much, but your safety will always be my duty and priority. I never regretted any bullets and falls I took for you. They weren’t supposed to happen in the first place, even so you still trusted me. For that, I am honoured and forever grateful._

_No matter how long we have known each other, I’m just a passer by. So do not dwell on me for too long, in another life, I’ll be sure to find you again._

_Lastly, Please be happy. That’s all I ever wanted since the day I met you._

_Hyung._

_Your unbreakable sword,_

_Jo Yeong_

-TBC


End file.
